B, you are a wonderful mom. You're with your kids and are seeing them through a very difficult time. Don't forget, this is new for you and is extremely difficult. You are learning along the way. You are grieving, B. I encourage you to read about the stages of grief following abandonment. It's very difficult to be the primary parent when you're devastated. There are little ones depending on you to keep it together and the logistics of every day living. Throw in finances and a possible move and it's no wonder you feel the way that you do. You're on overload and there's no end in sight.

This will get better, but it takes a lot of time. Please don't be hard on yourself. It's ok to be honest with your feelings. I believe it would be damaging if you walked around all day with a smile. Your kids trust you because you are honest. They know you understand how they feel. Your H isn't available to them in the same way and that hurts. He is self-medicating and covering up his feelings. He is defensive and full of justification. That is damaging. That's why your son is hurting.

B, try to remember that underneath your anger is pain and fear. Staying connected with the true feelings helps dissipate the anger. When your son is upset try your best to validate. If you slip and show anger, it's ok. You'll try to talk with him differently next time. You aren't going to handle this perfectly. Just keep trying to do your very best.

It will get better, but it takes a lot of time. Cycling through feelings is normal. It's part of grieving. You won't be in this place forever.

Do what you can to protect your mind and heart, especially while your H continues to blame you. Limit your contact and let him know what you will not accept. Also, set guidelines for his interactions with the kids. He needs to keep his bad feelings about you and your marriage out of his relationship with them. It is also inappropriate for him to discuss other relationships. Your kids aren't ready for that.

Remember - you can't give what you don't have, so take very good care of yourself. It's not selfish. It's essential.