My Story - Need Advice (Thread 2)

[jp787]

Chris,
Let me tell you what I am learning and see if it fits with you at all.

I am learning that if I try to be different, if I try to do the right things, if I try to become the man my W wants and needs, all I am doing it trying to change for her.

I am learning that I have to let go. That I have to detach from my W. That I have to, in my mind become a single person.

I am learning that I have to stop and look at who I am and decide who I want to be for me, not for my W.

I am learning that I have to become healthy for me and me alone, regardless of anything else.

Am I there, no I am not, but I am on that road.

If I continue to keep my marriage and W on the burner, even the back burning, I will not succeed. I will fall back into the old me and not be able to change.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and it [censored]. I am going on the vets words that I will be better down the road if I do this, because I sure don't see it now.

I am terrified of some many things, yet I have to do this or I will remain the same broken person that I have been for so long.

To be honest I am trying to look at my W as a friend, not even a close friend, just a friend and it kills me, but I am so codependent on her and she me that breaking our connection is the only way I can change, truly change.

I think I can't do this multiple times each day and every time I think that, I say yes you can, you have to.

We can not do this for our W or marriage, we have to do this for ourselves and let me tell you I totally get that it is hard and scary.

We can do this
Have a great day!