I really stepped on it, and am asking for help

[longrun]

I'm afraid it's the new "normal", as crazy as it seems. The best way forward would be if you somehow managed to sustain yourself without being dependent on your wife. Currently you are free to concentrate all your energy on yourself.

I was in a similar position. A year ago I was still a stay-at-home-dad for three little kids and a student without any income. Now I have a job and don't need a cent from W. The situation with W hasn't improved (yet?) but at least I feel much better. The same would apply to you.