Ummmm.....am I the only one who is DISTURBED by his comment????
WASs often project, or work into casual peripheral conversation the stuff they are actually thinking about or doing.
As wacky as your H is - I sure wouldn't be letting him fix me any meals.
This may be nothing more than an idle thought related to thinking about how the difficult divorce process will be. Or it might be leaking out from a mind that has been idly wondering how he can make you disappear.
I don't suppose you have any way to check the search history on his computer? Just to make sure he hasn't been researching "ways to kill your wife"???
That was one of my 8 million thoughts. How for so many, the bd is so devastating that a bullet seems like it would be relief. But H can't seem to comprehend that the end of a marriage is painful for some.
W,H - I did consider saying something, many things in fact lol. I also considered smacking him upside the head... just for good measure.
But I thought it best to just let it go, before it developed into the dreaded "R" talk.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Emotions are such an odd thing... I've had an uncomfortable week, angry and then yesterday very sad and hurting. Today, I'm ok. Nothing happened to cause the change, either for better or for worse. I guess emotions just do as they please, and all we can do is mitigate the dark days and take advantage of the bright days.
Track meeting tomorrow, and no fastfoodland either Sat (because of the meet) or Sun (because wonderfuljob might need me).
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms who read this.
*********H's Say the Darndest Things**********
For the past few weeks H has talked about MrX who he met at the casino, and from time to time they would run into each other. They exchanged contact numbers. MrX has contacted H, asking if they could plan to meet up later this month. H agreed. However...
... this morning H says upon awakening, "What if MrX is gay? What if that's his agenda in wanting to meet with me?"
(homophobia found in drawer next to antisemitism, racism, and misogyny. Oh, and disregard for 8 yr old boys who play hooky, and 12 year old boys who eat their father's sandwiches.)
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Emotions are such an odd thing... I've had an uncomfortable week, angry and then yesterday very sad and hurting. Today, I'm ok. Nothing happened to cause the change, either for better or for worse. I guess emotions just do as they please, and all we can do is mitigate the dark days and take advantage of the bright days.
This ^^ is very true. I have not been in contact with my creature for him to do anything and my emotions are still very raw and at the surface at times. And sometimes, I am fine.
MizJ, you sound very much like unless things drastically change, that you are leaning toward leaving your marriage. Only you can make that decision. I am actually envious that it is your decision to make; although I guess not much of one since you are unhappy in your marriage. I do wish I would have had that chance before my xSO cut and run. Nothing may have turned out differently but I will never know because I live in this universe and only one timeline.
Maybe our situations would make a good sci-fi novel?
My h said he hopes the guy who cut down the tree next door dies of a heart attach because that tree was worth more than he is, and he just chopped it down.
One more: h said he should have been born with no family (no mom or dad?) , never have made a family, and then life would be good!
They are just crazy, and miserable, and always right, so how do we compete? We run fast in the other direction!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
MizJ, you sound very much like unless things drastically change, that you are leaning toward leaving your marriage.
This is true. Sometimes this makes me feel like a rotten person, like a quitter. And I circle round and round with this issue in my mind.
My H is not even close to the man I married, and hasn't been for nearly 20 years. I really think that this is due to his underlying depression. (He, of course, knows the real cause is me.)
He has become such a negative, nasty man.
A newspaper story of rescuing a kitten becomes an hour long diatribe about the waste of resources for a #%$#ing stupid cat.
Middle East conflict? %$#%ing Jews.
One of H's favorite pastimes is the "Squish Game". This "delightful" event takes place at amusement parks or malls, anywhere there are a lot of people. Then H surveys the crowd for those who are, to his eye, fat, ugly, physically/mentally challenged, "too" ethnic. When H finds his quarry he leans to his companion and gleefully says "Blue shirt 6:00, squish!" (He thinks eugenics is a good idea. I find the concept horrifying.)
Dare to disagree? Have a different opinion? (About anything from kittens to blue shirts) A sign of disrespect to H! Or, according to H, outright stupidity on the part of the disagreer.
Yesterday he announced he has realized it must really svck to be a woman. Mental sigh and groan from MizJay, who dumbly asks anyway, why is that. H explains its because it must really svck to need to be told all the time that you are loved, and to need compliments all the time just to get by. And furthermore, women are just incapable of being logical.
I consider bashing my head into the wall but instead ask how it is I've "gotten by" for the past 20 years then?
"I guess you're a man."
And this doesn't even touch the marriage itself... and don't ask me about "love languages" cause that just makes me cry - and laugh- at the same time.
As I see H, for him to make a change, to even get within a mile of the man I married, would take intensive therapy and medication. And he's not willing to do either.
So, either he's been MLC/depressed for 20 years, or this is just who he is. What has changed, what brought me here, is that he went from simply (well, this is in my opinion) not expressing love, to not loving. I guess he was just going through the motions before? IDK.
IDK much I guess (well, what with me being a woman and all ) but H is not a man I'm attracted to anymore, let alone a husband I'm attracted to.
But then, if his behavior is due to depression, is it right to bail because of H's mental illness? How does that make me different from those who bail when the spouse develops cancer, or has a horrible accident?
Grim thoughts for a sunny (but chilly!) Sunday.
So, lets end on a positive. I don't have to work at fastfoodland today
And I'm getting my hair done tomorrow - going for some sassy blond highlights.
PS to DMarie, Wow! They do say everyone has a twin somewhere, we should get your H and mine together... they do say misery loves company.
Cheers!!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
My H is negative all the time too. And if I dare disagree with his "educated" opinion then I am just as stupid as the rest of the rabble. We could be out to dinner with someone I feel are our "best friends" and H will come home and "bash" them. It's no wonder I always felt like I was going crazy.
I know how you feel about giving up. I often still try to have a glimmer of hope but mine is pretty much gone. Like your my H needs anti depressants and a good shrink. He'll never admit it let alone get any help. He doesn't think anything is wrong with him. He thinks it's everyone else.
Hang in there and have a happy Mother's Day.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
My H is not even close to the man I married, and hasn't been for nearly 20 years.
Ummm....your signature says you've been married for 21 years, so that would mean he's been this way for 20 out of 21 years of the marriage. I would assume that THIS is who he is, and he was just able to put on a pretty face for the first couple of years that you knew him.
)
Sometimes this makes me feel like a rotten person, like a quitter. And I circle round and round with this issue in my mind.
(well, what with me being a woman and all