Thanks Nero, you too, every women offers a little mothering in her that's important to someone. My sat was good, kids and I took prego GF to meet the extended family at a party. They loved her and her belly full of my g-son!
Afterwords, we went baby registry shopping for their shower. OMG, this place had just one isle for bibs! It was nice, I gave advice and sat back at times to let them work it through. She's a little hard to get close to, she's just wants my son at times, but she does say she loves our family so that's a good thing!
Today, my S24 made me a bouquet of little wine bottles in a vase instead of flowers, heck ill take it! H is working until 5p so peace and quiet all day for me! He did ask what should he do for me and then said flowers die, why would I buy a something that symbolizes death. Oh well!
He moved closer to hold me in my sleep while I stayed "sleeping" ! I wonder what goes through his mind when he does that, we usually part in silence when that happens, today he said his ED has taken him over, he's got nothing to offer! Oh, no MDay romp for me
Really, like we're us, and you just forgot your a jerk, ok! They are soo weird!! Don't touch, the LBS, don't feed the MLCer, they bite!
Have a great day!
Happy Mother's Day to all!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
it'll be so fun to have a baby around. the girlfriend/momtobe - if you all went shopping together- i'd say this gal is trying. i have to admit- i am totally a "family" girl- BUT with h (and ex-h) - it was never my "thing" too much to be all girlfriends with his mom. i get along with everyone in the universe quite nicely- but he was my "attachment" to their family- soooo, i'm thinking maybe she'll warm up when you all have a longer standing relationship and you all have lives and that baby that will become inter-twangled and so forth.
i'd guess it takes some years before becoming all an important and integral part of each other's lives, families, etc. i'd even say beware if it was tooooo quick and easy for everyone to be all too close. know what i mean? superficial- maybe she's just cautious in her relationships and that's not bad - rite?
PREACHIE OLD ME - maybe i come from a long line of coolish women. i'm dedicated to death when i "sign up" - but don't jump in very quickly
anyway- mother's day was nice. i always feel rejected and chastise myself for not having kids. oh well- nothing like beating a dead horse. then i remind myself it was my decision too- and IHAD A Perfectly nice day shopping with my neic3. she cracks me up- we try stuff on and she actually thinks i should be wearing the same stuff as her- isn't she cute. because i'm not heavy- i guess she thinks it's okay- but i have to remind her i'm , uh hem , 62 and there is such a thing as good taste. BUT I TRY THINGS ON ANYWAY SO SHE's got company in dressing room and we can look at each other's stuff- she's cute. and sure makes me laugh.
i should look half as good as she does in things. i mean, rally- but it's a nice sentiment and she bought me a gift and even walked later with me. so i'm glad of that - the company.
i get very tired (in this db thing) if needing to accept that i am NOTHING to h - or so it would seem and he totally takes me for granted in his life (i think) or totally doesn't care if i walk out of it tomorrow- and thatis a strain for me.
i guess it's ego- not believing that i could be or should be or am - NOTHING> OH WELL HUH? if i ever ever ever can conquer that- i'll be successful. mother too- spent time with her because no one else did- rocky beginning- okay went to lunch and a drive - then later ratty call on phone- i swear.
couldn't sleep last nite- too bad - have been up for several hours rolling around and agreed to work all week- thank GOD it's going to be pre-school kids- that should be nice. not those ratty middle schoolers. yay
i guess all in all ok- like the bouquet of wine. HOW THE HECK do you sleep anyway- i'd take a hug that was spontaneous. my h is afraid he will have to "perform" i believe if he even dares get near. he has such fear of his own ed- BUT it apparently isn't an issue wth ow- so much for that huh? i think it will be the end of us- i'll finally just wither away from lack of affection and croak or leave.
honestly- what a jerk- if he wasn't guilty and all smarmie over her- he'd be fine. i despair of this db working for us - honestly.
i guess i'd better go try and de-puff my eyelids so i can put on some mascare. i'd give alot to be able to see my eyes with glasses off- anotehr frontier to cnquer huh?
have a great day- you have a good attitude. mine is sucko- i wonder today when the heck i will wake up fortified and "outtahere" in mind and body.
this girl's impatient - i want a life and some fun- i don't want to go trolling internet for love- eeeruuuuuwwwwwww- i guess tht's what a person is supposed to do these days. it sounds creepy- oh well- me and everyone else alive huh - lookin for love and wondering where to find it.....
Apparently, unbeknownst to me my H is trying to ''come home''! Ok, so I have seen signs, very small signs over a long period of time since he got off the couch and started to sleep in my bed, but hell it's nothing worth jumping up and down about, it's down right frustrating
The week leading up to M-day he talked about getting me something, which go my mind wondering. Sun afternoon after work he walked in with a box of chocolate and kissed my check thanking me for being a wonderful mother. He wanted to share the box while watching a movie in bed, ok! After the movie he passed out from exhaustion, but just after he wrapped himself around me.
What did I say, don't touch the LBS, I need a t-shirt made! Mon afternoon was rainy and gross so we resorted to a movie w/more chocolate, which led into a pizza, and a shower and H calling off work that night?! OMG, he want to ML!
He told me he wanted me, but was physically unable. I'm not saying a word, what is the right thing to say, "GTF outa here, really dude"! (watching Casino at the time) No, I didn't say anything! Unlike how he has treated me, I didn't want to do or say anything that would hurt him, or push away his efforts to peek out!
Now I find out, because EA is going bonkers that he has ended their friendship. He told her he has every reason in the world to be content w/life, me, but he needs her content. Not sure how they ended up entwind, but he needs her to be ok without him. He ignored all her attempts yesterday to talk to him which only makes her reveal everything to "my" voicemail.
He said he will miss her, and thinks about her everyday, but goodbye, that was Sat, before his attempts to get closer to me.
I have no intentions of wanting to be back w/him. He is not what I would be pursuing in a man, regardless of the fact we are M, it doesn't give him a free pass as the chosen one. You would think it would give him a leg up, but no, there is way to much realization that he is "not" good for me.
I need to read about when the LBS doesn't want the WAS back. Am I being realistic? Stick w/the devil you know?
Today he "told me" to do something, I let him know it's important for him to understand how I will allow him to treat me. He said he's not in an asking mood, I said than talk to me another time. I am so willing to walk away from him. So much work!
The soon to be 46yr old me is not willing to nurse him back to himself, when himself...as he was, could never be good enough for me now! He's not making miraculous change. I am at the point where starting new, seems better than trying to salvage the old.
Is this bad, will/could I change my mine, will it be up to how/if he continues to pursue me, do they ever even just apologize?
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
He just left for work, twice now in 2 days he's said goodbye w/our 3x kiss (it was our thing) on the lips. He looked into my eyes as he used to and laid them on me.
I feel like a robot about now! Going through some motion because I'm being pointed into that direction. It wasn't bad, it's just not genuine.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
I hate this, hate this, I feel like a phony or a fake, or angry that I may be hoping there is change in H. NO! I won't let myself believe there is any hope because I will just be hurt, no assuming! If the actual words came out of his mouth to me about change, needs, wants, maybe I would give him the time of day, big maybe!
He said, I always said I wan't going to leave you! But, that doesn't mean your returning buddy, not to what I need anyway. If he masked who he was for 20+yrs to try to be someone he's not, how would I trust he didn't just get a new mask?
I guess it's possible that MLC gives them time and freedom to explore why they needed to pretend through life in the first place, yea that makes sense, I have reflected and worked on some of the baggage I brought to the marriage. They can slowly reintroduce themselves to earth having worked through things that should have been addressed many yrs ago.
But, I am not about to bet my future on a man that 1) doesn't say those words out loud, 2) is so early in his possible revelation that he has every reason to slide back, 3) isn't caught up to (maybe never will) what this girl at this stage in life needs.
I almost feel guilty. He's so nice, and now asking about ''me'', my day, how the dentist went, how I'm feeling, and I'm all bubbly trying to give positive answers, who am I! I want to give him someone worth trying for, someone to work toward, but what do I know about what I want?
Can I be there in a positive way and at still be true to myself and not get caught up in the attention? I want to stay focused on my needs and wants most, and for the end result to be about me.
Feedback, opinions please! I'm not good when it comes to me!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
If he masked who he was for 20+yrs to try to be someone he's not, how would I trust he didn't just get a new mask?
know this feeling- and quandry... who are they anyway?
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I almost feel guilty. He's so nice, and now asking about ''me'', my day, how the dentist went, how I'm feeling, and I'm all bubbly trying to give positive answers, who am I! I want to give him someone worth trying for, someone to work toward, but what do I know about what I want?
i hear this- sometimes on phone h is all personable and pleasant and sounding like he gives a darn - and i find myself thinking "what's he up to? more guilt motivating his charm" - i have no faith in his genuine caring...
it DOES feel fake to be all bubblie and so forth - when you're really riddled with doubt about their intrinsic worth and place in your life- YET - you're in this DB PROCESS and feel compelled to keep trying.
sadly- if either you or i ran into some wonderful guy- we'd remember what it felt like to have genuine affection and be off like a flash - what does that say about it all anyway?
ity's ALWAYS soooo easy when you're the guy with someone else in the wings - isn't it? my h - i don't know what his DEAL is- he's all making calls and saying he'll help figure out the sitch with my mom- i question his motives. i don't think it's merely from l for me- i'm with you - IF THEY CAN'T SAY IT - IF THEY CAN'T PURSUE IT - IF THEY CAN'T APOLOGIZE -
what the heck do we have here anyway? i don't know answer at all. i think with my h- it's guilt pure and simple - he's all happy and pleasant because he's got "IT ALL" AND THEN he's willing to cut me slack and be a nice person instead of a jerk. is that all there will ever be? maybe.
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If the actual words came out of his mouth to me about change, needs, wants, maybe I would give him the time of day, big maybe!
i feel like you do too . For me - i don't think i'll ever hear anything definitive from mine. i think he'll let me walk away at some point- I'll just shrivel up and fall off the vine - like a giant over-done raisen. and he'll let me-
my friend - while walking last nite - was talking about a girl she works with- and a spat with her fiance- and when it came to place about the guy pursuing her- she said after so much time together- he shouldn't HAVE to go after her when she walked out of his apartment. i thought interesting "TAKE" ON IT all- my feelings are HE SHOULD go after her-
if you care- and if it's important- you do go after someone.
my h- sadly, i'm thinking is the "man" type- (this girlfriend- in her m is the breadwinner and the "man" guy- outside the house all day- her h raised the kid, works from home, etc.
it made me pause and think- but then, like you- i feel they have totally jacked our lives and hearts around all out of recognition. unless they SAY IT- WE'RE not going to make any assumptions anymore in life. you can only believe in that and do it one time- if they blow that , then in future they have to get out of their comfort zone (one would hope) and make it work in a way that you can understand and relate to.
sorry- i feel like you do- it will be interesting to see what happens with your h and mine too- if they can "get it" enough to say it-
yours sounds like maybe he's heading in rite direction- mine, i don't know. i think he's so blockheaded- he will go to his grave thinking he's just a guy, being who he is, and a nice guy at that. it was alllllllll my own "problem" with the sitch- i mean hey- what's the big deal? tho he once grudgingly (no kidding) admitted sex with someone else is a BIG DEAL! COULDja die? oh well
life in outer space as usual. i'm tyoo tired and sick this a.m. to care too much- so i guess that's good too.
HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY- HOPE YOU FIND EVERYOLNE you're looking for- will watch for word...
Hi Nero- good to hear from you. We are really doing this aren't we? Soon it will be one yr on this site, we are kindred spirits!
Last night @ midnight H called me to wish me happy b-day, like 3x he said it and apologized for his lack of interest in b-days ever since he can remember. He came home this morning in-between gigs, and gave me 3x kisses, with a full explanation of how he goes to the lake to rest between gigs.
He's giving me more accounting info, and attention, but he's yet to tell me he has quit EA (I found out). Last time he tried this he told me and said, ''I shouldn't be telling you this because this is my thing I have to work out''.
It's not about her, I have to continue to learn how not to act or treat him based on EA, this is "my" R with him, however it turns out, what ever happens between us, it is only about us!
I'm just going to continue to let him feel his way around how to treat me, and how to act around me, he's been making an effort to be polite and thankful. I expect nothing, hope for nothing and I will stay as neutral as humanly possible.
I dropped the rope some time ago and will continue forward w/my efforts to be independent of him emotionally. I do still teeter further on the side of S, maybe even D, but I too need to take it slow and steady.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
Wow! Maybe it is my warped sense of time, but did he flip his switch fast? I would be surprised to hear anything but confusion on your part. From spewing to kisses.
I agree that you should keep the focus on you and what you want, not just from your H but for you and about you.
Snodderly would know better but from what I remember reading, you may never get "the words" that you want to hear as your H is seemingly beginning to peek out of the tunnel. And trust me, I know from experience that "the words" mean absolutely nothing without actions to follow them up. I have heard all the right words at one time or another (all the wrong ones, too!) His actions are what counts. He is trying and has broken up with OW. He may not have told you, but he did it. Definately baby steps for him.
But let's make this about YOU. This is our journey, too. If I believe nothing else, I believe that. I have found that there are some things in life that are non-negotiables, no compromises for me. You sound like you have learned a thing or ten from this experience as well. Don't be the one to now put on a mask. You are too great a person to cover up.
Your H is obviously still struggling which for you means that you still have some time - and are in the best position because now you get to decide your future - with him or without him. That decision does not have to be made right now. It is too big to make right now.
Oh, it's not like he doesn't spew, it's just hasn't been directed at me for a while now. He been slowly integrating himself, I would have to look back at my post, but he started some time after the holiday's.
He's been like a quiet mouse laying in wait for some time now listening, talking, laughing, trying to "fit in". I was/am convinced he was bringing MLC guy w him.
Funny, as he started peeking I started letting go! The more I let go, the more his peeking became small spurts of involvement. I think it was just timing, my need to be done, his need to peek.
So I'm good, uninvolved w/his life, not seeking attention, and here he is!
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I know from experience that "the words" mean absolutely nothing without actions to follow them up.
This evening while having B-day dinner w/kids H calls me 5 min after a text, which I hadn't read yet, to ask if I read it, I said I am having dinner do you want me to read it now, he said, no wait until after this call.
He spoke about work for a few min and then said H-bday again, he seemed like there was more, but he ended the call in a nice voice I haven't heard in a long time.
Text: ''Happy Birthday Sweetheart, I love you, alot". He hasn't said that to me in over 2yrs. Granted he's not actually "saying it", but it's a big step for him.
D19 said to reply, your too weird...who are you, but I went with, thanks, that was very nice to hear.
I am not going to change the direction I have headed in, nor am I going to expect or want anything from this. Hell, this might just be the perfect calm before the storm. I will not let this spin me around.
I will admit for a moment there, his text, as I read it, filled me with anxiety and laughter, but it was more about a memory of the past, than hopes for a future.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
WOW DAWN- Lots going on with you and h. i'mhappy for you - even if we've got to be allllllll treading on thin ice and assuming nothing- i'd give quite alot to hear similar words.
it's all so slow and long and hard. i hope your (whatever it is) sticks and is on the right road fo ryou.
i'm gonna leave it at that. me- don't know and am my usual self- some days i despair of ever just letting go completely and doing "it". one more day down- rest oflife to go- good luck nero-
ta da. soooo - hope your days to come are equally (interesting) and upward bound. i get your feeling sort of wierdly detached and also remembring the old guy-
will be interested to read how it goes-
fingers crossed fo ryou- me - and the db universe-
