If he wants to be fully present and know everything than he will have to do the work. It's not up to you to fill him in. Also, the kids can tell him what they want him to know. If it's not good for you to have constant communication then don't.
It's very difficult with kids involved. Having compassion for all people, including your H, doesn't mean that you allow others to mistreat you. It also doesn't mean you have to pick up the slack when your H falls short. B, your kids are watching. How you treat yourself and allow others to treat you will make an impression on them.
If that's not a golden nugget, I don't know what is.
The thing is BRNR, your H's approach is that he's angry at you (and life in general perhaps). Your kids pick up on and want to make sense of it. Children believe their parents will always be there (together) and when that doesn't happen they need a way to deal with it. They look to you and H for guidance just as they always have. They won't fully assimilate the actions until much later in life, but the seeds you plant now are important. How you handle things, how lead by example, and how you help them through their pain will shape their thinking and relationships for many years. Teaching them to learn to set boundaries and how to be graceful under pressure are valuable lessons for us all.
GM is right - if he wants to be part of their lives, he'll have to work at it. If he doesn't, they'll know. You don't have to pick up the slack for him. Just make it possible for him when he does. You have the ability to sway the kids emotions toward their father. Use it wisely.
Happy Mother's day!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
