im sure there is more to the story. i believe he had a rough childhood. i know his baby's mom cheated on him and left him. he says he's over it but who knows. either way i listen to him and relate when he talks. fact is, men crying makes me uncomfortable. i cry. but i do it alone where no one will see. i don't like showing weakness, and to me a man crying comes off as weakness if they do it at inappropriate places. a construction site is one of those places in my opinion. it is also a little creepy when he says some things. he comes off as a major control freak and alot of the time i feel bad for his girlfriend. for example, he made her go to aa. so she did. she slowly opened up and you could see her becoming more happy every week. now he told her to stop going, she is "cured" and he wants her to drink with him. so she is. i am in no place to judge, just the things like that creep me out.
anyway, i had group last night and actually opened up a little. it is kind of funny. my group is 6 women and 1 other guy. a few of the women have said that they think i am rude and not taking it seriously. after group, one of the gals apologized to me. she said she judged me to quickly, and didnt know that i carry around all the shame. she said she understands that when i dont share, im not being rude, im trying to protect myself. interesting to me.. so maybe it was a productive group who knows. all i do know is, i am not trying to impress anyone. i am there for me, to figure out me. i have to take things at my own pace and remain open to new ideas.
im not surprised. people are always quick to judge. because i don't talk about myself to people i have just met and because i stated that guys crying at me makes me uncomfortable, i am labeled rude. i am however far from rude. i am respectful and sometimes blunt. i don't lie or pretend to be someone i'm not. in a room full of people who are used to blaming others to take the focus off of themselves, i am a convienent scape goat. im used to it. im used to being blamed. dealt with it wit my XW for years. everything is always my fault. whether it is true or not, im pretty used to hearing it. people can make assumptions and judge me all they want. i know who i am. if i dont open up and cry about my problems to complete strangers in a group setting...sure, i'm rude.
im not mad at anyone. i just understand that people are quick to judge. it doesn't surprise me. it also doesn't bother me. they don't know me and i am none to trusting of others. especially women. that is something i need to work on. this whole thing with my ex has left me very wary of women. i know that is not ok. i should just mistrust her, other women did nothing to me. thats where i am at.
i also know that i can come off as rude because i dont sugar coat things. i speak direct and to the point. i leave no question to what im thinking. i despised when my ex would speak in riddles to me. im not good at reading between the lines. i see thing in black and white. also something i am working on. trying to see the grey areas.
i agree with SD that is interesting how others view me. it baffles me to an extent. my ex used to think i was mad all the time because of how my face looked my counselor said the same thing. i guess i am cursed with that. my father and my brothers get the same things said to them. we have deep set eyes and high cheek bones. that lends to a scary expression i am told. we also dont smile if there is nothing to smile about. straight faced alot. i understand how people think im rude when i dont speak and my face looks the way it does. i cant do alot about my bone structure, but i can try to smile more. and open up.
bug you crack me up!!! i do not smile alot. i dont frown either. poker face i guess. i agee with you on the aura thing. im actually big into that stuff. my aura was read one time years ago by this wierd hippy counselor i had. she said i looked on fire. reds and oranges.. anyway, im generally a happy guy. i love jokin around and sayin random stuff to lighten the mood. the guys i work with all say i make crappy jobs fun cuz im laughing. now you put me in these groups and im not happy. at all. poking and prodding into my background. to this day i have a really hard time telling people who i used to be. i would rather them see who i am becoming.
I love your happy face!!! happy mothers day!!!
Gineen- that cracked me up about your "bad boys"!! me personally, i like a tough girl. they dont scare me..lol usually the toughest people are the most loving and fun to be around.
great....now i'm a teddy bear..and sweet..ugghh..lol anyway, Happy Mothers Day!!!
Working out is my happy place too. I still play basketball pretty competitively a couple times/week and it has been my saving grace throughout this time.
I also have realized I have work to do regarding trust and women. I am still cynical at times and blame my stbx at times but its also on us.
We have to make the internal decision. It hasn't gone too well for me so far but progress has been made.
and here's my happy face.