SFC, I’m not a veteran here, but I’ve reading on this board for a few months now. I’m pretty sure I’ve read some stories where WAS moved fast to get a D. And the distancing part is common to all WAS, it seems that they just change overnight from a loving spouse to a complete stranger.
I’m not sure why she keeps asking you about whether you will sign the papers or she needs a lawyer. What does it change for her? If she is so determined to get a D, would it make any difference with or without a lawyer? Maybe she is just bulling. I would not bright any R talk and avoid the D talk at any cost. If I understood your story correctly, she is a primary bread winner at the moment. By separating the bills and accounts she is showing you who is in charge of the situation. This is just my opinion.
I’m sure the veterans on this board can give you their prospective on this.
Meantime, read Sandi’s rules and implement them immediately. Act “as if” you are completely fine with what she is doing.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Thanks BF! Technically she only asked once, and I am pretty sure she was gauging how much of a fight I would put up (her XH wouldnt sign and made her wait the entire legal limit until her D was granted), and she wanted to figure how much she needed to budget for an L.
She does accounting, while you might think this would be normal, she hasnt gone to this extreme in the past. As for exerting control? I dont think so. She is just methodically preparing for being on her own again without any help from me.
Like I said, she is sprinting for the finish line and keeping any emotional or physical feelings for me in a cave with a massive boulder at the entrance, i believe so she will be able to follow through this time on her threats. So how do I slow this down without pressuring, being needy, or going back on my word
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
I broke rule 6 of LRT also! I spoke with the MIL for various reasons, including we are close. I have ZERO friends or people to lean on. I cant talk to my family becaus they will over react.
Am I dead for dong this?
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
I broke rule 6 of LRT also! I spoke with the MIL for various reasons, including we are close. I have ZERO friends or people to lean on. I cant talk to my family becaus they will over react.
Am I dead for dong this?
Yep. Don't. Be nice be friendly but don't speak to MIL about your sitch.
Do not bring up D. I went from divorce to legal separation to mediator to I will support you through school to I will continue to support you so when you work you can stay in house..... The mindset is never set
If D comes up you can say that this is not the path I wish to take, but if this is what you need to do, I will not stand in your way.
If she is breadwinner, you may want a lawyer.
In my mind, she is separating everything because the actions mean that she means it. For her head. Do you understand? Some people have to say or do stuff out loud to make sure they are doing them.
Enough about W. what about you?? GAL? 180's?
Even though it feels like forever, it is just starting. Are you sure PA is a deal breaker?
OK Everyone. I think I might as well throw in the towel. MIL called her and told her EVERYTHING. My W is so pissed off at me right now, I dont believe I have ever seen her this angry. If I heard her say "I am done, and I am NEVER getting it back" once, I heard it a hundred times.
I am telling you guys...stick a fork in me. She made it clear that no amount of 180s is going to change anything (she didnt say 180s, but you get the point).
She told me she regrets being "nice to me" because it gave me false hope. She said she was being civil, but now my pressure has pushed her into selling the house ASAP to be rid of me.
I am telling you....I think this is one R that even MWD cant save.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
She just walked in with a list of apts I supposedly can afford to move out...all crap holes in bad neighborhoods.
CRAP!
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
I think its best I leave the house right now. My presence isnt going to change anything.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Hey BF. i did pack a bag and left last night. Things were just too tense and all I would have done was make things worse. I am down the NJ shore doing a side job with my brother. I am pretty beat up, but taking it a step at a time. She was absolutely vicious and acting as if the entire marriage was some living hell for her. I am telling you she is done. Unless someone here with experience can tell me thats normal
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
