The car could be perceived as pressure and if she is anything like MLC or even a normal WAS then your feelings wont matter to her.
I have returned the car and removed all pressure to find a new one. Lo and behold, she started doing some car searching on her own today, which tells me that my feelings DO matter to her. We discussed it for a bit over coffee today, (initiated by her) and I made it clear that there is no rush, and I am open to whatever options she is interested in.
She can't handle her own feelings let alone yours and the last thing she needs is reminding about what she is doing to you and how bad it makes you feel.
She has no idea how bad I sometimes feel. I've been the king of "acting as if", and PMA. My plan is to not mess this up as I move forward.
It really does look like she is not going anywhere and getting through this in her own way.
^^^Thank you for this.
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Just keep the focus on you and let W work her own path. I am sure she will talk eventually about the R but unless you are 100% prepared for her to walk I wouldn't even risk planting that in her head by talking about how you feel and the R in general.
FWIW it also sounds like she is letting off steam and not on the look out for an OM.
You are doing such a good job and seem to be in a good place and as you have said you are not going anywhere.
Just give it time, dig in and let her come to you. I am sure it will happen but on her timeline. Unless an OM does appear there seems to be no reason at this point to rush her or back her into a choice she is not ready to make.
I know you won't do anything rash and perhaps I am overreacting/misreading your posts. But my view FWIW would be to still sit tight. I am of course a bit sensitive to all this as I learned the hard way with W and she bolted. I too thought I was being constructive etc etc but all she saw was pressure when she was just extremely confused. This made her feel bad that she could not leave me dangling and forced her into making the decision to go. All this was just before I started DBing but still very relevant. Would she still have gone.....IDK, but I sure as hell lit the fuse paper for a quicker exit.
She needs to feel safe and that you are the light. Remember you want her to come to you because she wants and not because she feels bad/pressured.
I couldn't agree more.
Hang in there buddy. You are doing great and I still think you 2 will be fine.
Thanks rky. You not only have a good grasp of our sitch, but offered up some really good thoughts there.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
