Myself and my W had a conversation today, where she was expressing an interest in changes in my outlook and personality,
This is good! Keep up with the changes.
but it ended up being a conversation in which I had no choice but to talk about us no longer being 'together' as a couple. This is the first time I have said these words myself to my W, its always been her that has been the one to mention D and Separation. I think it has made W more relaxed around me, which is good. But also I wonder if she is not thinking I have finally given up. Is this a bad thing?
Did you tell her you gave up? I'm betting you did not. She knows where you stand and what you want. Continue to not pressure her.
We've been getting along fine, and enjoying jokes, even at each others expense. I am not sure if its right to do so, but i have even been making jokes about some of the issues she has with the way i have been in our R. Such as me not being a very good listener etc. Again not sure this is right, but it lightens the mood a little.
I think this is good. You have to be "getting along fine" before you can get to where you hope to be.
On the downside I signed up for a free trial on a dating site tonight. I have not intention of taking this further, but i think its a sign that I am starting to crave a close R with somebody and wanted to see what the outlook is when I am finally alone. My self-esteem is a little low tonight so I think i just needed some reassurance.
Bad plan. Looking for someone else to make you whole/happy is a short term solution. It's what spouses who cheat are doing, and it seldom lasts for long. Decide that you can be happy on your own and then make it so. This is not only the best long term strategy for you, but the best chance for saving your M. A strong, confident and independant person who truly loves themself is a most attractive person!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
