Yes. There's a fear under that. Probably not a fear that maybe what he was saying was right, but maybe fear that you would be seen as weak or fear of being not worthy?
It doesn't matter from a DB perspective, but it might help you DB if you understand what the fear is. ie. If it was fear of being weak, you could DB some activities that show your strength.
Make sense?
You would have to dig pretty deep though, and many people aren't willing to do that.
Just remember that "dark" is for you. It is to provide you the space to breath, work on yourself, and heal. There would need to be a time that you leave dark, though. If you are still wanting to save the M.
Be dark only as long as you need so you are hopefully detached enough to not react to any of his words or actions (negative OR positive).
Just so you know, I suspect there are a lot of people who feel you are both strong and worthy.
Keep moving yourself forward, work on yourself and GAL.
Met him at DD and his mother was with him, I asked to talk alone. He was pissed off the minute I walked in the door. I just asked him why he is so angry with me and why I'm the enemy.
Might I ask, what kind of response you expected from a leading question like that? Next time try the DB'ing approach, no matter how angry he is you meet his anger with love, contentment and happiness. That is what detachment is all about, your PMA is unaffected by his storm. If he walks in pissed off and you act happy to see him, that simple act will change the whole dynamic of the situation.
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He stood up and left, I followed him outside because I still wanted to ask about the cell phones.
Don't ever follow him/ pursue him. If he walks out, let him.
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I called him a coward and was talking to him through the window and his mom told me to get out of her car, sadly I lost it and told her to F off.
These kind of actions only serve to reinforce to the WAS that they were right in leaving. You've got to do a 180 on this. No more name-calling and no more disrepecting his family, especially in front of him. I doubt this outburst made you feel any better, maybe it felt good at the time but looking back I doubt you're pleased with it. Learn from it, try and remember how damaging it was and hopefully that'll keep you from doing it again.
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I'm not proud of what happened but I hit my limit, I just want to know why he is doing this.
Every LBS wants answers. But there are none. He is not going to tell you "why" because he doesn't know himself. He's confused and in turmoil even though he may not show it.
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There is definitely something wrong, he is so angry
You need to understand- this is normal. Most WAS's get very angry towards the LBS. It's a defense mechanism. Because they are confused about their choice to end things, they treat the LBS with anger and disrespect to bait the LBS into doing the same to them. And when the LBS does, then they use that as verification that they were right in leaving. This is why DB'ing says to detach from them and work on yourself, to get out, GAL, develop PMA, show them nothing but happiness, contentment and respect. Because when their storm slams up against your calm, then they start asking THEMSELVES why they are so angry. They start questioning whether they might actually be wrong about you, wrong about leaving. And that is what they need to do before they'll think about returning.
fantastic advice SP... will copy that to my notes. Thank you!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
