Below is what I have been doing but as far as what I think is working, I dont know. She may be so closed off right now that in her mind, the only way out is a D. Thats the impression I get.
I have done 180s with respect to my appearance, the way I dress now, and I have lost almost 30 lbs. I get up with the kids every morning that I am home whether she does or does not. I keep the house straightened up, I do the dishes, I give the kids their baths, I make the beds in the morning et. al. This is the stuff I really didnt do in the past. Something I now regret.
I have stopped pursuing and pleading. I mostly come across to her as detached but happy and moving forward with my life.
I sometimes get quiet when I am having negative thoughts. This usually makes her ask why am I so quiet. She asked me why I was so quiet this morning actually. I just told her no reason, just trying to get ready for my 4 day work trip.
She goes out a one to two nights a week with her girlfriends and I dont ask why, when, where or what time she will be home. When she comes home, if im not sleeping already, I will ask if she had a good time or say goodnite to her before she goes and sleeps in our daughters room.
She invited me to sleep on the couch last week and I told her no. I gently said that I refuse to do anything that will push us further apart.
I did a little backsliding last week too. She tried to blame me again for all of her problems. She said I am the reason that she is so unhappy and that I should file the D papers. I told her that I am sorry that she feels that way and said yes I was not the perfect H but, this informal separation was her idea and that if she wanted to leave then she should leave. I said, "I cant stop you but dont threaten me with leaving again". Not sure that was the best response. I would like any of your opinions on this backslide.
--How is your GAL doing? What are you doing to GAL?--
As far as GAL, I need to work on that much more. I have started exercising regularly and jogging. I think the next time I am home I will just go out and do something/anything. I would rather stay at home and play with the kids but when they go to bed I will go do something with a friend or by myself. Maybe take a drive or go to a movie or go to the coffee shop/book store.
As far as signs that corroborate what I am doing and what is working. It is still to early to tell I believe. Somedays she is quite cordial and an hour later, she is back to being unhappy with me. She is happy when she talks to anyone else but me right now. Thats the roller coaster ride I am on.
I have only been purposefully DBing for about two to three weeks now and I am getting better at it. I have a long road ahead of me though. I will keep looking for the signs but right now they are so subtle. She has laughed at some of my wisecracks lately to the kids, thats something I guess.
My goal is to improve my listening and communicating skills with her and to eventually reconcile our R. I am trying to be the guy that she wants to be around. I laugh and have a lot of fun with the kids. When she is there, she notices and I think she gets a little jealous of it. My daughter has become somewhat of a daddy's girl lately and she usually is a mommy's girl. This seems to agitate my W and she will try to cut our good time short. Then other times the W will join us.
--What behaviours from your W make you think she might be MLC?--
Wife's behaviors that make me think she is in MLC? She has emotionally abandoned me and our R. She has no interest in working on M or going to counseling. She said she know that she is being selfish but "Thats how I feel", she says. She know that it will harm us and the kids but, she cant help it. She did slip though yesterday. My D4 heard her talking on the phone to someone. At dinner my D4 asked if she made it to her appointmnet? She said she did. My S9 said what appointment, what was it for? W said she was taking care of business. I asked if she had an appointment with an attorney? She said she was not ready to tell me yet. I then asked her if her appointment was with a marriage counselor? She said, "maybe". Could go either way I suppose but the thought of her seeing an attorney put me in a very negative mood. I was quiet the rest of the night and into the morning.
I am trying to keep the blinders off and it seems that she just may be done with our relationship and may have someone on the back burner. Just pure speculation on my part though but it sure seems that way.
I will keep detached and keep my heart protected for now until I see better signs of her heart thawing.
Kaffe Diem, you say that WAS can have a change of heart? How would I best work that solution?
