Interesting...W just walked through the door with a new tattoo.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
I don't have a lot of advice for you because I am new here, too, but I want you to know that I (and I am sure, most) do not think you are a horrible person because of what you wrote. We all do the best we can with what we have and know. Sometimes it takes a situation like this to wake us up and realize that maybe we can do better. I wish you the best of luck on this DB journey
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
MrCas...actually it is. I can tell she wasnt going to tell me, but she was wearing a tank top and I saw the top and cellophane cover (told you I am observant). So I asked, and she showed me. I complemented it, and validated her reasons.
Lovethehub...I appreciate the kind words. I am not a bad guy...I'm not. I am that guy you want at your back. But in my youth, I made immature and grave errors. Alcoholism gripped me for years (god I wish I had just a pittance of the money I squandered away). Not something I am proud of, but beating it 6 yrs ago and staying sober is. My W doesnt have many complaints about me, other than my addictions which acted as wedge and trust issues when I would promise to stop, get caught, lie about it...well, you know the drill
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Does she have others? Am I correct to assume you had no idea of this perminant addition?
Also, too much negative talk.....you kicked booze already and are working to quit chew......you don't do that successfully when your a pansy a$$ loser. Lift that head up! You are battle tested and have survived many life lessons already
Any ideas on ways to hustle up some additional cash flow for yourself?
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
PS...I am a loser when it comes to this. I have fought in every conflict since the 1st Gulf War. Just a little over a year ago, I was kicking Afghans in the pants to get them to move forward against the Taliban under fire. But my W turns me to jello.
Sad, I know.
Yes, she and I both have tattoos. Not sleeves or anything, but tactically placed ones that you usually cant see unless we are in bathing suits.
I confronted her on the $11K that mysteriously appeared. She took out a loan on her 401K to pay off all our debt, and to streamline the finances so she and S can stay in this house. She wants me to bank what income I have coming in from my PT job so I can move on.
Basically I backslid again talking about the R. Her walls are up indomitably. She has completely cut off any feelings for me, and basically said that in a week or two, if she hasnt changed her mind, she will present the divorce papers to me for signature.
I honestly think this is done. You dont know her...she is stubborn, and once she makes up her mind doesnt change it. She hasnt talked to her father in years because he hurt her.
HELP!
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
First off I want to say thanks for serving our country.
She is detached and filing so you can not control what she would do. Let her go but as someone has said don't make the D faster, make her do all the work.
I am a believer that the A must end first before the R improves and absolutely no cake eating while living in the same roof. And once separated you go on your path and she goes hers...open the cage and let her go.
I can't tell how much pursuit you're doing at home, but that has to end. Show her your confidence and get her respect back. Read up on LRT and see how you'd feel about that. Don't initiate any communication but if she does be polite but don't say much make her think what you're thinking...as they say be mysterious.
Just my thoughts sfc...good luck on your journey.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
Ok, I need help from some of the board veterans. I am reading DR, an fast forwarded last night to LRT. As painful as it is, I will do it moving forward.
My question is two fold. 1) Has anyone elses WAS moved this fast to get to a D before. Immediately separating bills, taking out loans to pay off debts, and distancing themselves so much from their LBS it isn't funny? I mean a 100% shut down of any feelings?
2) During a conversation we had...I validated all her concerns, complaints, and feelings (see above). And one of the things she asked was if I would fight the D and would she need an L. I thought I did the right thing by telling her that she didn't need a L and I wouldn't fight her if that's what she really wanted, and would sign them if presented. Was that the right thing to do? And then now how do I "drag my feet" as Newman suggested without looking desperate, infuriating her more, and going back on my word????
That seems to not help the sitch any either. I just feel she is running as fast as she can to a D before she changes her mind again, or gives time to see if changes can happen.
I wouldn't be surprised if she hands me something for signature next week. I really need some support here. PLEASE.
I know what I have to do with LRT. I have stopped behaviors, even though I am obsessing here. Just need some guidance. Because my T is only telling me to move on, and its not something I am comfortable with.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
