Crazy little thing called MLC

[Raine]

T you are so right. There is the part of him doing all of this and the part of him judging himself for doing it.

After I founded out what was going on, I ignored him, and he really noticed. I sent him a text wondering how messed up he was after he would have been coming home from his adventure. He said 2.5/10. And I just stopped responding. That made me mad! I mean what did i expect right? Even if he was a 10, he would lie about it. He called, I ignored it. I was mad at the situation, the lying, sickening feelings. The feeling that I don't want to stand anymore but feeling I need to.

So he keeps calling the next day and on the third call I answer and I'm nice and friendly and cheerful. And we had a positive conversation where he had a hard time hanging up. I think it was a half hour long. Interesting convo points:

He comes out and says he gets worried when I don't talk to him. That he knows sometimes I need space, but he gets worried I'm mad at him. He says I may not believe this or appreciate it, but I am the only one he cares about what I think and what I think of him. (Wow right?) He said that yesterday he had moments of 8/10 of being messed up, and sometimes 0. Then he corrected himself and said no he is at least a 2.5 at all times. I talked to him about how well he can compartmentalizes it. That he functions really well at work. That he is the boss, in control, gets things done. I then said outside of work he is out of control and feels unable to take charge and take control. He was all over this in agreement. I talked to him about different personalities as different compartments of his life. Talked about him needing to take the work persona into his non-work life.
He talked about feelings of people judging him, but that I don't. He says he feels like people really don't, but he is judging himself.

After reading rH's thread I was thinking about my H current friend base. He too has developed friendships with the HS crowd. The difference is these are the geek crowd, the ones who are still playing video games and living at home and never married. These are people who never left HS. They're not in MLC, they never got married and never had to grow up. I wonder if H had never married, would he be one of them? Did he have to grow up and be responsible because he got married and had kids and he just faked it, until he hit the point he could no longer go on. His body and mind was not going to let him pretend anymore. He has to grow up or he has to be stuck. No more pretending.