DBing European Style, part 2

[Papa4Life]

Sorry for getting a bit snippy there, labug.

I took it a bit personal when AnotherStander posted about his feelings about dating and received some...dissenting responses, shall we say?

Stander is a person I look up to and respect on this board (as are, I hasten to add, ForeverYoung, labug, and others), so when he catches flak, I get a bit protective, I'll admit.

Now, I'm not an apologist for Stander, but nor does he want or need me to be, but if he has decided to see someone socially, who are we to second guess him?

Some people here (mostly women, I notice, but maybe that's just coincidence, I couldn't say) seem very opposed to dating. And that's great if you've made that decision for yourself. I've made that decision for myself, as a matter of fact, but who's to say that there's something wrong if people make a different choice?

What I DO know is that dismissing someone's feelings isn't validating. In fact, it's how people become repressed, afraid to express their feelings or opinions. I would like to think that people here would have had experience with that and started to move beyond it.

Plus, I myself and many if not most other posters here are at a fairly delicate and emotionally taxing point in their lives. So criticizing them for the decisions they make is just a bit cruel. Not that that is their intention, but at times we could all use a bit more compassion and try to be more constructive.

Finally, what's the difference between dating at this point and an affair? A lot of people's Ss have made it clear that they should move on with their lives and they are quite hostile in what little interaction they have. Affairs are all about deception, being illicit, and deliberately inflicting pain. An LBS, I would venture to say, wants relief from pain. And I would venture to guess that most LBSs who do date go into it with their eyes wide open and knowing the risks of moving too fast. Or at least I hope they do.

Me? I'm a stander and I'm gonna keep standing until there's no use in trying anymore. But I won't criticize anyone who decides that GAL might include at least exploring their options, if only to reassure themselves that life will go on after an eventual D.