If you were such a good wife then why did i stray?

[mizjjd]

So, my thing is why don't they just go? Not happy, then leave.

This would be the logical, rational way.

If your H is suffering from MLC or depression then he will not behave logically or rationally.

Makes no sense to me. Never will.

Of course it makes no sense, it is not rational behavior.
You just have to accept it, you don't have to like it, approve of it, agree with it or understand it.

I'm glad you are working on detaching

Everyone does backslide from time to time - just learn from those backslides so you can be better prepared for the next zinger from H.

As for the BBQ, I'm sorry your family doesn't give you the support you want. But, best to not distance too much from them perhaps. I'd say go, but stay for just as long as it feels good. If M discussions come up say, "I'd rather not talk about that today" Smile, change the subject. Or walk away. If you do this consistently and often enough the message will get through.

Remember TnD, detachment isn't just about putting distance between you and H. That's a huge part of it, and certainly the first step, but its not all of it. As you step away from your H, and your R, there will be an absence in your life. That's where the second part of detachment comes in - made up of GAL and 180's.

Detachment isn't just the cutting out the negative of the spouse, its about the filling up of your life with positives.

And it may sound hokey, but everything we think, say(write) and do is all a part of becoming more positive. This doesn't mean you have to be Merry Sunshine 24/7. Certainly, let the hurt and anger out. But, once its out, find the silver lining and share that too. Find a balance.

Take care and Happy Mother's Day