Kevin- Tried to post earlier, but I guess it didn't work. I just wanted to say how much I identify with the hard, scary place you're in right now. Everybody's right in that you can't make forward progress until you have the big emotions under control, but that's easier said than done sometimes.
IMHO, you are not f****d up, you are just hurting really bad. People who are hurting do and say things they don't mean. I would say apologise, but don't make a huge deal out of it. Just set new and smaller goals - ONE conversation where you're pleasant to her for the whole conversation. Then, if you do that, WOOHOO, you've met a goal. If not, apologise, end the conversation, and work on doing better next time.
Don't waste time feeling guilty and formulating huge apologies. Acknowledge that you were hurtful, let her know you don't intend to be that way, then work toward being pleasant. Fake it for awhile if you have to - she doesn't know what's going on inside your head.
Remember to have compassion and empathy for yourself, too. This is hard, and at first you can only hurt, but it gets better (the hurt, tho maybe not the sitch) really slowly - you just have to hang in there.
That's my thought.
(((((((Kevin))))))
Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
