WAS About-Face - Or - When The FOG Finally Lifts

[Live4myDay]

Thank you this thread has been a life saver for me. I can totally understand the cycle we were stuck in. I've wanted to know the WAS side but no one would tell me or knew. We could not communicate in the end...and we still can't now. I have been doing ALL the wrong things. ALL OF THEM! I think it's my gut reaction. I want to change all that, but I don't know how now that we have been divorced 2-1/2 years out and 1,000 miles apart with my D (disabled now) to keep us connected.

He is visiting in 3 weeks only for the weekend. I'm a wreck since this would be a chance to connect some how. He has already told my D to tell me he wants peace and no games. As I've said I've done all the things not to do. He actually calls me "Angry" as if that's my first name. Very hurtful. I can see now why he's was so angry with me. I always tell him I'm not angry just really hurt.

He's seeing the OW he met while going through our separation. Yes, his "soulmate". I don't believe him though. Our marriage may have fallen apart for all the obvious reasons, but I can't help but believe the love is there.

I have had to move on and am doing very well with my new life. Made changes that he has already noticed both physical, spiritually, and some what emotionally (I've slipped serveral times).

With his impending visit I'd like to open the line of communication between us. Do you think a letter would help? And what exactly should I say and what to NOT say.

At one point last month during a brief texting bout we came pretty close to communicating with both of us understanding each other. However, as a read the last part of our conversation of acceptance and moving on. I had to put in that I still think he's a smuck for leaving our marriage in our tramatic chain of events for his new life and girlfriend. BAM blew up in my face. ARGH.

Then I found this site!! Please help me to do my 180, PMA, and detachment. I truly am working on myself. I want my marriage but I still at this point have a problem with him leaving for OW (which he denies) from work and is still with her. It is a long distance relationship for him. They live about 1,000 miles apart also. Except he sees her every other weekend; they go back n forth. He sees her all the time yet visits his daughter who he was very close with at one time only twice a year. I've told him he's become a Holiday Dad! Terrible I know that now. True but not a way to win his heart back.

Anyways, any advice on his visit would help me immensely. I even thought of asking him to stay at our place since he is coming down with our S (20 yr). He plans to only be here about 3 days. I even thought maybe he stay here with my D and I leave and take a mini vacation. But then I feel I still need boundries which I have never had with him. I can go on and on. Please help me be prepared.

Thank you.