kevin, I almost wrote to you last week telling you your moods were all over the place too...one minute you are kicking yourself, wanting another chance, the next you are blaming her for everything. kevin, you both hold responsibility in this. It can't be placed 100% on one or the other, so you must stop feeling that way. You did the porn thing a long time ago...time to forgive yourself for that. Is that the worst thing you did? Believe me, it could be much, much worse. There is no doubt you want your family back, I don't blame you. But thrashing back and forth will get you nowhere. Let the dust settle, be patient...start DBing again. And in the end, long term DBing isn't for everyone, it is very difficult and you have to be really motivated. If you can keep it up for a long time, the better chance you have, but you need to take care of yourself in the meantime. Why not just apologize to her for now for what YOU did, but do not start taking all of it and putting on your shoulders. This could be an endless cycle if you aren't careful. If you decide in the end to file or to move on, just be sure you have made the decision when you are on stable ground emotionally (as much as you can be). You two are going to have to meet each other halfway for any reconcilation to take place. I don't know what to say about a possible OM...only you can decide on how you want to handle that one. Personally, I wouldn't throw anything in her face about it, but make it clear that R talks are out of the question until that is resolved. Go dark, and do not bail her out every time something comes up. She needs to feel how it will be on her own.
