Well, we met for coffee and talked. It was pleasant. We both smiled and laughed. Anyway, the only time when the D came up was when she asked if I had any questions and I asked which address she had served me at (and yes, she really did file. No more waiting for me to do things. Good for her (in a way)). After, she texted me to say she had wanted it to be talking about the D, but that she just isn't very good at talking. It was really hard to validate her feelings, because she doesn't share/talk about her feelings. I am just starting to realize this about her. For the past 15 years, when we talked and laughed, and I thought it was clearly a healthy relationship, she wasn't there as much as I thought she was. And of course it wasn't just her. I'm not even in touch with my own emotions, so I never shared them with her either. But both of us fooled both of us that we were happily wed when both of us were isolated inside of ourselves. I want to climb out of this cage inside myself. I want to know how I feel and share that with people who are important to me. It is so hard, but I am getting some hope that I'm making progress. I will be sad if I don't get to help my W with this sickness we are afflicted with, but I will work on myself and find what help I can. I've been consciously reaching out to friends. I have told several people what is going on and about how I feel. I'm still saving my meltdowns for when I'm alone, but trying to share my feelings, too. I went over to her mom's work and gave her a Mother's Day flower and we talked a long time. Talked with my parents and let them know. Told them when the questions they asked were crossing boundaries, respectfully, which is a pretty big win for me. Thank you to everyone here. Whether my divorce gets busted or not, I'll keep focussing on what I have some control over. I'm going to get through this.
