Harder and harder

[adinva]

Unless she really-really wants to work on the marriage and is committed to going through a painful slow process with you to make that happen....

MC is not a good idea.
MC is a box she can check that she "tried everything."
MC is an opportunity to sit there and hear fireballs from you, and how angry and hurt you are, and who wouldn't want to sign up for that?!
MC is an opportunity to sit there and think, "I am doing the right thing, this is never going to work, I hope this is over soon."

I was surprised and thrilled that my H agreed to MC, after a marriage full of who-needs-that and I-dont-have-time-for-that. I was so impressed that he was really going to give it a try. I knew if I just got him in the door, that the counselor and I would be able to reason with him and he'd see the light and do the right thing, ie come back and work on the marriage. I was as disappointed as anyone that he attended, even participated, and ended every session with "I just don't want to get any expectations built up. I have not changed my mind. I will not change my mind." Those he attended, that is. He blew me off more often than not, from September to December, when I finally said, you know, show up if you want to but I won't expect you and don't care if you go or not. I'll keep going because it's helpful to me. He never went after that. I haven't heard him since then, verbalize how done he is. He's still done, but he's not having to demonstrate it to me and the counselor. Honestly, MC is ONLY worth anything if both people really-really want to do hard work to fix their marriage. Even then it's a long shot.