first time(&last) & still need help

[albamarie]

Nero - I am getting freed of my misery simply because I am learning to be thankful that he goes chatty, crazy guy somewhere else. I know WTF, but it's not mine, I don't want it, I forced myself to try and it crushed me, so let EA have it, she's free to not answer the phone, but she's diagnosed bi-polar so it fits w/her life style.

She left me a message that she is tired of him, he's too much and makes the hard life she has harder. She also took responsibility for reaching out and being there for him, but she said it's hard those times when he wants to rant and so does she. They are addicted to the misery L company, though she regrets it and feels hurtful, H feeds off of it and gains strength. It's a guy thing?

Why would I want that around me! He says the strength he gets from being able to be angry makes him work harder for the $$$, that goes to the family, not EA. So he asked me to leave it alone, let him go, so I did and I am better for it. And, hell he is making the $$$.

He is teaching me how much better off I am without him around me, giving me his sitch. Funny, he wants what is best for me and he saw it wasn't him. He said I still have him, his protection and support in anything I want to do, he still comes home, he is honoring the M "rules" but he belongs to nobody...not even himself!

He said, like right now I should be looking into buying you something for M-Day and your B-day, I think about flowers, but they die, I want to get you something super expensive that would make you happy but the $$$, so I end up doing nothing, that's what I do, nothing is easier. I know you want romance and a loving touch but I can't give that to you, so why do you want me, your are waisting you time on me.

I hope to take A's advise one day and be able to say, thank you for giving me my freedom! I'm seeing it, it's hard because we want them to say why aren't you fixing us, but it may never happen. I hope to reach that point of happienss one day where I am grateful to have been set free.

Nero - Your H is not as extrem in anger or self depreciation as mine, but he is giving you your freedom also, with the attachement of his concern, $$$, and protection. We, you and I, will never call them our friends, we're not those girls that can go there w/men we L'd. But, can we move on and except what they have already put in front of us long ago, and except what they have taken away? Time will tell!

<3 dm