I have been lurking here for about a month now. My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who is having a marital crisis. This is one of the most difficult times I personally have ever experienced.
Here's my story.
About 2 1/2 months ago my wife came to me and said our 10 year marriage was stressed. I knew we werent as happy as we had been in the past but, I thought that it was due to the financial difficulties we are experiencing. I wanted to talk it out but she was not ready at the time to talk. Shortly thereafter, I got the ILYBINILWY talk. All of this sent me into panic mode regarding our relationship and proceeded to do everything DB says not to do and I pushed my wife even further away. Then I found this site about a month later and I was thankful to finally have an idea of what was going on. As soon as I could find the books, I read DB and DR and reread them. This forum help me a great deal too.
I am still trying to define what my wife is going through. I asked myself, "is this MLC or WAS or both?" I think it is a little of both.
I have been following the DB advice about 180's, As If, Doing what works and not doing what does not work. I am not sure it is working though. Not enough time has past. Some days are better than others.
Heres the situation: Wife resents me for numerous reasons. We have two children, S9 D4. We still live in the same house together. She sleeps in my D4's room. We talk cordially about the kids and thats about it. We still have meals together. We sometimes cook together. We go to church together on Sunday's when Im home from work. We go to family functions together, (for the time being) She has stopped wearing her wedding rings. I still wear mine. I recently took a nearly 50% pay cut. (One of her resentments towards me.)
There are a number of other things too.
I have detatched from her. I have done 180's I have acted As If Follow the 37 rules and DOs and DONTS from this forum (Thank you so much for posting them here) I have backslided a few times I have started marriage counseling alone, she is not interested at this time. I have seen evidence of DB working. Read all the Sermons from HeartsBlessings. Read DB and DR more than once. I pray... a lot! I still cry from time to time but mostly when in counseling and I am talking about the crisis. Not in front of her.
The one thing that has help me the most to get from the begging and pleading stage to where I am now is following the advice I found here in this forum.
Thank you to all of your who have spent so much time sharing your stories here with everyone so that we dont feel so alone.
Like most of us here, I have no idea where we will end up but I have hope. I have given control of my marriage to God. I can not control anyone but myself and I have accepted that.
Other than that, I take each day as it comes. Sometimes its a better day, others, not so much. I am new so I am not much help to anyone right now but, I will contribute to this forum when I can help.
