Hi maji, sorry you find yourself in this situation, you will find the awesome members here will support you in your goals.
1. Regarding his anger, the best you can do is work on emotionally detaching from his words and actions. Try to understand that, even though the things he says or does may feel hurtful, it is likely that he does not mean to hurt you, rather he is venting and lashing out and you are the unfortunate target.
If it is at a point where you can not deal with his outbursts, do what you can to remove yourself from that situation as quickly as possible. This would be your boundary, that you will not allow yourself to be subject to his angry outbursts, and time will eventually settle things down. Do this consistently for a long enough period of time, and he will eventually stop doing this, or at least do it much less frequently.
That does not mean leaving for a week to live elsewhere, it means moving to a different room or leaving the house to go for a walk or doing something for a few minutes or a few hours.
2. Independence is another way of saying "space" or "no pressure". While some of the things he said are possibly valid, and therefore consider those things and do 180s on them, if possible, he could otherwise simply be trying to convey that he needs / wants time to think and is not able to make certain decisions right now.
Give him that space. Learn to GAL as much as possible and try to refrain from interacting with him that would require him to make deep decisions at this time. It is possible that all he can deal with right now, is what he will wear in the morning and what he will eat for lunch.
~~~~
Your H could be at the beginnings of a transition or MLC. While there is nothing you could do to stop it (and you don't want to stop it, it could happen worse at a later time if not allowed to play out now), you certainly can "get out of the way" so that he does not hit the crises as hard as some others might.
Time and space will help you greatly through this period. GAL, detach, and consider any 180s or other personal growth you might do at this time, for yourself, regardless of whether your M is saved.
As ironic as it seems, this could be a gift for YOU. Take this opportunity for your own journey of growth and betterment.
Keep posting and others will be along to support you. You are on moderation and it may take a dozen or so approved posts from you before your posts show up immediately.
Even if it is to vent or journal and of course, ask any questions that you need.
