So, W and I had our talk yesterday. Was strange, wasn't the formal planned one for the evening, as she was sick and needed some things. So I dropped them off to her.
I told her I wasn't going to stay, had some errands to run and hoped she felt better. She then looked at me and said "I'm sorry I've hurt you so so badly" M: I know you are. I'm sorry you're so hurt as well. W: I'm so so sorry. I end up staying... W then ends up telling me how when she was sick, that she felt things were so so positive between us. That our outlook was positive, and I was being the husband she always wanted. I was connected with her, and we didn't argue or fight much, and when we did, I didn't say anything hurtful to her. Then she said when she went back to work, the old routine feel back in place. She feels (we agree to disagree on this, but I didnt argue yesterday, I listened and tried to validate) she had to do the vast majority in our lives, around the house, with D, etc again. She said this became physically tiring. Then she said that when we would argue, even though though it was decreased, when I would say something hurtful to her like to stop, go away, or swear - eff off, it hurt her even more. She explained it hurt her even more because she had seen for 6 months prior that we could be so different and happy together. That Chris didn't exist. She said she felt like as soon as she was better, that I didn't care for her anymore and feel back into old habits. I validated and quite honestly can now understand why and how she is so hurt. I acknowledged that and asked her how conflicting that must have felt to her.
She then explained that she doesn't know who she is or what she wants in life anymore. That she wished she could say "Give me six months and then we will go to counselling and work on us." But she said she can not commit to that because she doesn't know who she will be or what she will want in six months. I said I understood and am starting to feel similar but less strong feelings. She explained that she didn't want us to go start counseling with the intent/goal to reconcile, because what would happen if we started going and six months in one or both of us decided we didn't want the marriage again? She said we would both be heart broken all over again. She stated again that she is open to anything happening down the road and that she want to go to counseling at some point, but also has to figure herself out. I told her I understood what she was saying and, I felt she should take all the time she wants or needs to work on herself and I feel time will help both of us lend perspective. I reiterated that I support her and would help her anyway I can.
She also told me how confused at times she is and how sad. She said "I wake up pretty much every morning, and cry, and think about how much I miss our life, you, and how easy and how nice it would be to go home" She then said "But, if we did that now, we would be in the same place in six months" I just listened and told her I was so sorry she feels pain like this.
Those were the main points. She stated how she feels she can not commit to anything right now, that she takes her life day by day, week by week and she can only see to June right now.
Thoughts on this? Thoughts on where to go? I know I now need to give her more time and space. But, should I go completely 'as if' or try to still let her know I support her too? I guess she knows that really, she knows how I feel.
