New to this ...

[steveh27]

BD: Thanks for the advice, it seems like there is a lot going on in these forums so it's always nice to see someone take the time and reach out. Especially since we all have our own situations we are trying to deal with. Thank you.

Not great there. When emotions get high, you've got to learn to walk away until you can speak calmly. You'll say stuff that you don't mean, or try to hurt her, and that's just not productive.

I know, but the ironic positive that came out of it was she admitted the EA after that. It gave me a sense of weird relief in that I knew what I was dealing with now. I know I still own a lot of the reasons for the failures of our marriage, but it was clear why she was now at the point she was.

There's always hope...you can carry that a long time. But I think GAL is extremely important too. It'll help you keep your sanity and make you feel better about yourself. I'd challenge you to do at least 2 things per week for yourself (and we're starting slow here). It doesn't have to be something big....a walk, a run, a dinner, etc.

My GAL right now is work, coming home and either doing homework with kids or taking them to games. Between 3 of them it seems there is always something to do. At nights around 8-10 is where its tough, because even though we sleep in the same bed still, we are giving space and I'll wait till she's close to asleep before I decide to go to bed. Bought MLB.TV to watch the Red Sox games every night during this time and trying to fit in Game of Thrones that has been queuing up on my DVR. Having a hard time engrossing my self in that as my concentration is other places. But yeah, right now I feel anytime away from the kids is a disservice, since one of my 180's has been to spend more time with the family as that was a big issue before.

Yeah, I'd steer clear from that.

Going to. My sister said it might be a good idea, but the W has been clear that we should keep our families to ourselves and dont cross lines. She has been ignoring my SIL and sisters calls through this, at first I didn't understand totally why, but I know that she was probably embarrassed or scared for the real reason for her actions, the EA. But she still is and as much as I feel she is not in the best of places and she may need her sister. I need to not control the situation sometimes.

Anyway since yesterday, the communication has gotten better. Before it was cold, sarcastic and short. I didn't take the bait the other night on fighting and I think she got the hint. Yesterday she texted me before I got home about homework she did with D9 and 2 tests she has the next day. Also said she will be taking D13 to soccer and picking up some stuff for my S14's team and she didnt plan dinner, if I could order chinese.
I said sure. More normal talk and I went outside to play basketball with S14. She left with D13 and came back about 2 hours later. I said I need to run out for a little while, she seemed skeptical and I didn't say anything else. Unfortunately, my D13 asked if she could go. Great my point was to GAL and act as if to give her some though that I has things to take care of, even though I was picking up Mothers Day pottery the kids made last week. So I couldnt say no to my daughter, so I said sure. We stayed out for a couple more hours and came home. My idea was to just give space also during this time, and it seemed to work. The W seemed in a better mood, telling me about random stuff she would have cared less about telling me a couple of days before. Almost she was over initiating the conversations now. But just in general a happier demeanor.
Before going to bed I mentioned that I had made Mothers Day plans and I would lose the money if we didn't use it, and it is something she would enjoy, brunch at a lake resort close to us that also has shopping outlets. I said if you want to just take the kids that would be ok. I got an "Oh - that sounds nice - ok". Now I may have mumbled the "just take the kids", so I dont know if I invited myself or not. Im kind of chuckling to myself about this considering my situation however. Although I think I will be fine regardless. I dont think she would want me to sit home, but I thought it was a nice time to try and detach.

This morning was more of the same, except for her initiating R talk. She asked me if I have seen a lawyer. I said no, that I was trying to still contemplate the last couple of days and I am still unclear of a lot of things and wanted to deal with getting my self ok first and to just take it one step at a time. She said she understood. In the next sentence she says that she is not sure how this will turn out but we should start talking to our therapists about what the reality of the situation. I said I have a session today and I plan on talking about how t deal with the kids during this but also I still need to focus on me getting my issues addressed. She again said good and then I ended the R talk by asking who wants to drive the D9 to school. We had more small talk about the dog and Saturdays events.

As you can probably tell, I do want this to work out even though I'm angry, hurt, disappointed by her actions. I feel a sense of blame for it to an extent, although I'm still not sure I can get past it. Just alot of emotions, not knowing how to deal with it. Some of these emotions may have not even reared their head yet for all I know. I may get to a point where, the EA is a deal breaker for me. But for now, my love for my family is what is keeping me sane and moving forward with trying to heal myself, and if it is to be, my marriage.