If it's normal for you to go over and cook, that sounds like a fine thing to do. If you can find out ahead of time if she likes the idea, and if you can do it with NO EXPECTATIONS, just a friendly happy-go-lucky kind of day, go for it! Doing it along with BIL and MIL might be a good way to dilute its pursueyness (!) as long as BIL isn't going to be all mushy and kissy with his w.
I wonder if I'm getting any special treatment for Mother's Day. Probably not...
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
AS, What a great idea! I just wish I had time to do that:( I'm in Dallas till Sunday. I won't be getting back to 4pm Sunday afternoon. I was going to get one of those new handprint hallmark cards so he could do that for her. It's not at of line at all for me to cook dinner over there. Her brother and I live together. He's not married or any girlfriends. He has "special needs" in a way. Hard to explain, but he is my wifes twin brother and though she was born perfectly beautiful and fine, he was born with facial deformities and is deaf, but does have a hearing aid. When we separated he was living at his moms. He was wanting to make a lot of changes in his life as far as hanging out with bad friends, drugs, etc So I have him a chance to get a 2 bedroom apartment with me. And he has made a complete 180 since January. I have mentored him and he motivates me as well. It's been great. We are going to renew our lease next month for another 6 months. So no, going over to his moms and the 2 of us makin dinner for them wouldn't be a big thing
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
For a gift do something similar, like get one of those cement handprint "paver" kits, have S put his hand in it and then scratch his name and the year into it below the handprint.
So get this, I go home last night and ask D16 if she had thought about doing something for W for mom's day and incredibly she suggested the paver/ handprint idea I just threw that out as an idea in this thread, had not said a word to the kids about it! Too funny! So I'm going at lunch to grab the kits. The kids are going to make them tomorrow and also put doggie prints on them too.
Originally Posted By: cbtdad
AS, I was going to get one of those new handprint hallmark cards so he could do that for her.
Sounds like a good idea, I haven't seen those!
Quote:
It's not at of line at all for me to cook dinner over there. Her brother and I live together. He's not married or any girlfriends.
Oh I get it now, I thought you were saying he was going to go to his W's house to cook for her and therefore it gave you the idea to do it for your W. I misunderstood, didn't realize you were saying both of you were going to cook for them. Cool, that makes sense!
This is the type of stupid stuff I need to stop doing. It's the part inside of me that knows i want her to be happy regardless. She changed her profile pic on facebook to a picture of her and her grandmother who does last summer. Then commented below it, "really missing her right now" Of course I can't help myself so I text her the following: "Your grandma was one of the most special people I have ever met. She is such a great example of how to live. That woman showed so much love no matter if they were blood or not. I am so blessed thanks to you that I got to know her. I am sorry that you are missing her. It's tough, but she is looking down on you. Always remember that" Followed by: "Sorry, I just wanted to tell you that for some reason"
There was no point for me to sending that. That is not my place right now. I just fill like when i do dumb things like that it gives her the idea that I am just going to be here for her emotionally no matter what. And although I wanna be there for her, I can't allow myself to. I have to many emotions at stake and its just not good for me
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Good for you for realizing cbtdad, in a normal marriage that would be a wonderful thing to send her, but not now, not when she needs and wants space...
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
CBT, I do the same sh!t. It is so darn hard and IDK why I feel so compelled to do it! AHHHH
So let's hold each other accountable and stop!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
She changed her profile pic on facebook to a picture of her and her grandmother who does last summer. Then commented below it, "really missing her right now"
Stalker.....
And yet once again, your actions say the opposite of your words....
This is the type of stupid stuff I need to stop doing. It's the part inside of me that knows i want her to be happy regardless. She changed her profile pic on facebook to a picture of her and her grandmother who does last summer. Then commented below it, "really missing her right now" Of course I can't help myself so I text her the following: "Your grandma was one of the most special people I have ever met. She is such a great example of how to live. That woman showed so much love no matter if they were blood or not. I am so blessed thanks to you that I got to know her. I am sorry that you are missing her. It's tough, but she is looking down on you. Always remember that" Followed by: "Sorry, I just wanted to tell you that for some reason"
There was no point for me to sending that. That is not my place right now. I just fill like when i do dumb things like that it gives her the idea that I am just going to be here for her emotionally no matter what. And although I wanna be there for her, I can't allow myself to. I have to many emotions at stake and its just not good for me
I guess I don't really see the point of facebook, so I truly just don't understand why you are looking. I have done many things wrong, so I understand the messing up. However, I am just curious why you check her facebook page? What do you hope to see? What do you hope to read?
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
Stalker..... And yet once again, your actions say the opposite of your words....
STAY THE HELL OFF FACEBOOK!!!
I first blocked my W's newsfeed but then kept looking... first only to see I was still on her friends list still. You know what? Who cares? It doesn't matter!
What matters is working your program. What matters is improving yourself.
I still have some issues I am working on... The "what if's" are killing me right now. So is this situation with my job... and wanting to go home to MN so bad I could scream... This house re-fi is a beyotch, too...
Guess what? Worrying about it has not me any closer to home. what is going to is being calm when I talk to W. What is showing her that I am changing. Stalking her FB page is going to show I am still the same old guy I was.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
I just threw that out as an idea in this thread, had not said a word to the kids about it! Too funny! So I'm going at lunch to grab the kits. The kids are going to make them tomorrow and also put doggie prints on them too.