Lost her love or MLC?

[AnotherStander]

She is completely fixated on the OM. According to her she has never felt this way before and he's like a drug to her (I couldn't resist saying that drugs aren't good for you!

Actually it is very similar to a drug fix. Early on in a relationship there's the "puppy love" phase during which chemicals get released into the system. Dopamine gives a feeling of bliss, Norepinephrine can cause feelings of excitement and racing heart, etc. Who doesn't like and crave such feelings? But they simply do not last. Usually those chemical releases go away 1 to 6 months after the beginning of the relationship.

I really admire your attitude. Your situation isn't what you want it to be but you've moved forward so admirably. I aspire to have your fantastic attitude and helpfulness. Thank you so much for your continued help.

Thank you, that's very nice of you It certainly hasn't been easy. I went through some very, very bad times. But I'm in a really good place now, I'm enjoying my life and leaving my wife to hers.

My sitch has taken a turn for the worse (or a turn for the same?!!) My wife has been particularly cold over the last few days and that culminated in her telling me that she wanted to separate.

My W did the turning cold thing for a while too. I finally had a talk with her about it and asked her why she felt like she had to be that way towards me, and she said she thought it would make it easier on me. Ha! I told her that I fully understood she was leaving, she didn't have to treat me like crap to "make it easier", that in fact it made it a lot harder. So she quit doing it, said she didn't feel like it was right to treat me like that anyway.

Just makes me wonder at the timing of it. My main issue (my main 180) is controlling my temper and that's something I've done very well recently. Could that be making her guilty?

Probably not, those are feelings she'll have regardless of what you do. Stick with your 180s, stay consistent. She's going to have a lot of peaks and valleys, it's important for you to stay off the roller coaster.

Just feel like giving up.

That's OK, it's a normal feeling to have in your sitch. Don't fight your feelings, but don't let them affect your actions either. Just let them happen and roll through. You'll cycle through all kinds of emotions, then when you think you've stabilized it'll start over again. It's part of the healing process.

I'm afraid of being alone.

I was too, but not anymore. I think that fear comes from the belief that we've found our "soulmate" in our spouse and can't ever replace them. Plus our self-esteem takes such a huge hit at BD that we think we're too old/ unattractive to ever find someone else. It's true that we'll never find someone exactly like them, but there are LOTS of other women out there. After BD I started hitting the weights hard, I tanned, I whitened my teeth, I started getting my hair cut regularly instead of letting it get shaggy, I improved my wardrobe. I went out on a few dates and was pleasantly surprised to get numerous compliments about how handsome and sexy I am I'll only be alone if I choose to be alone, I can see that now. You're probably just afraid of the unknown like I was. With time you'll get over that and come to discover that BETTER things await you in life. Maybe that'll be with your W, maybe without. But either way, you've got a great future ahead