I feel better than I did last night. I actually feel peaceful. I won't like going to court, but I need out of the choke hold I've been in. Since I've been afraid, desperate and willing to give in my H and his attorney just keep using that to their advantage. No more. The boys and I deserve so much more than this. I shouldn't have to worry about whether I will have to move or not or whether my H is going to make a deposit on time. I can't live like this. I want to enjoy my life. More importantly, I want to give the boys the best childhood I can. They have been cheated, but truly one person cannot take away a person's happiness and joy forever. We just need the security we've been lacking.
Amen to that GM. I know what you've been going through. I've been resisting my XH's attempts to go to court to get a financial settlement - through fear and lack of money to fund my counter case.
But he eventually gave me the ultimatum: agree to his settlement terms or else he'd file.
So, he did.
Now, when it's time to provide evidence of his financial state, he seems to be getting cold feet. He sacked his L and today sent me an email asking if I'd consider settling out of court.
Hang on Charlie, you're the one who just instigated the proceedings!
We need to face our fear and refuse to be taken advantage of by cheats and bullies.
I was talking with my mom last night about the latest developments and we ended up talking about whether my H ever planned to return. My mom's a therapist so she often has a different perspective. She feels that my H left the majority of his clothes, memorabilia, etc. because he had always planned to come home one day. He believes his things are safe with me. Based on the current situation I can't imagine that it was his plan. I do remember him saying he wasn't coming home that day or the next, but he didn't go any further into the future.
I thought that about my XH's actions too. Why leave almost all your clothes and belongings behind? The obvious answer is that somewhere deep down in the recesses of their minds, they harbour thoughts of returning eventually. For the first year or so after BD, I had a really strong gut feel that my h would come back. But now, nearly 2 yrs in, I'm not so sure. Now i think he'll probably yearn to, but will find that he's too far in to this 'new life' to get out. And has hurt too many people and created so much pain that it's just not salvageable.
I do think my H has to see the D through, no matter what it costs him, emotionally and financially, or he will always wonder if he turned back too soon and away from a new life that will bring him happiness. He also has backed himself into a corner. He left, he filed, he started a new R, he hurt me and the boys, maybe beyond repair, so in his mind does he really have a choice?
Yep, this is what I think too.
My XH became almost instantaneously nice after the D was granted. It seemed to cause a shift in him. I think he just HAD to do it. No matter what the cost. I can't see how he could come back from what he's done even if he wanted to.
So, I think you're right. We have to continue to demand what we think is fair for our circumstances and for our kids. [/quote]
