Carry On

[labug]

In the spirit of keeping things real, I've had a sh!tty week. I went on my retreat and it was great-36 hours of calm and peace and beauty and thinking.

The re-entry was tough because I needed to deal with some things of my deceased brother's, received his death certificate in the mail and that was hard, which I didn't really didn't see coming. Guess it was the cold hard facts.

I've just been generally sad about my sitch with no real reason, no change in anything. Maybe it's normal for anyone at this stage of the game, I know I have Dd friends who still have periods of sadness, grief maybe.

I don't know, I'm just going with it, continuing to take care of myself and trust that there's some reason for this, something I'm supposed to learn.

On Monday with my IC, I said that for so long (years) my baseline was depression and I would have spikes of happiness, now my baseline is happiness and I have little spikes of depression, makes it more noticeable.

"I want this pain to have a redemptive purpose in my life. I want it to mean something. Pain not transformed is transferred. It would surely lay seed to resentment.