Becoming Patient Man

[PatientMan]

To clarify, my previous post wasn't directed specifically at Tryin2figuritout. It was just a thought for anyone reading.

I think we all have to piece together what 180 is like for our different situations. There are times when I'm pulled to be emotional support and I will provide....main reason is this is one of the reasons I'm in this sitch for not providing it. I can't turn dark or not be there when I thought I had been there, but according to the Mrs. was far from it.

That's the difficult part and similar to my sitch. I wasn't there...for a long time, so she mentally and emotionally left me. So after BD I showed her I was back and sorry for what I had done and still there for her...no matter what. But that didn't "work", I was virtually a doormat, and now that I am "finding myself" again I realize there are some things that SHE did that I am not "okay" with. This is leading me to actually make the choice to NOT be there for her no matter what, and as difficult as that is to do realizing that's how I got into this whole thing in the first place, I know that:

1) I have shown her who I am and what I have to offer
2) My line was crossed

So it's a difficult decision for me (daily), but I believe it to be the right one. I still listen when she talks and am not rude in any way, but I am not actively supporting her as a husband normally would. I have created/am creating "space" even though she seems to be resisting it.

Even though we've calculated child and spousal support she's come to me concerned over how she's going to make it paycheck to paycheck (even asked me and my ability to make it too). For this one, I'm completely dark no response because this is what she asked for and she needs to deal.

Same here. She is very worried about "making it" financially, but seems to understand it's HER decision to leave and not my job to pay her for it. Apparently that isn't the case in a lot of examples, so that is a positive for me (if there is one).

Sounds like you're slowly but surely making progress which is awesome, but it's also so hard to hold the line and not get excited. This past weekend there were a few things she did that she hasn't done in months, but I just have to smile, enjoy them and move on. So hard to hold the line, but don't want to dip my toe in that desperate pool again!!!!

For me, I have a few things I immediately think of to snap me back to where I need to be if my emotions start wandering off track. Along with those few "trigger" thoughts, I keep a two folded up lists in my wallet (one is of Bible verses and the other is DB'ing advice). If I'm really having trouble, I can consult my lists wherever I am.