Confused about what I want

[NLW]

My response....when you are ready to respectfully discuss the boys, please let me know.

BRNR,

Thanks for doing all this hard work and posting about it here.

Your way of dealing with this email spew is really helpful.
I'm in the same sitch at the moment and was stuck trying to think of how to go forward.

Keep up the great work!

[AJM]

BRNR, I'm very proud of you for standing your ground and remaining calm. I can tell you that I also went through the crying spells with my daughter. The night my ex left, my daughter cried on my shoulders for a good hour. Nothing said, really. Just that period of time. I won't ever forget that. As others mentioned, be mindful of the kids. I mean really mindful of what they need before you react to H or to your kids when they are just being "kids". They will test you. They need to. And they will again when they are stronger. When that happens, realize that they are moving through their grief more. It's a good sign when they challenge you again.

As things go along here, H makes it so easy to walk away. I hope this forces his hand to either step up as a parent or allow me to get full physical custody with him receiving visitation. His mind is so skewed.

What will you do if they don't give you full custody? Will it change your feelings? I suspect not, but just asking. Also, is full custody for you the best thing for your kids? Or does that serve to perpetuate the cycle your H is in now for your kids? Would that be what you want for them or is there a better way? Worth thinking about...

You should now, more than ever before realize that this is not about you. Your patience and stillness is paying off in that regard. In the eternal words of Billy Mays, "But wait, there's more." It's not pleasant, but there's more you need to hear.

One thing to note, not that it should change your mind or cause you to act differently is that your H told you he doesn't feel he can talk to you. He's right, he can't. But is that something that you can change or is that on him?

You are doing very well and I'm very happy to hear you are setting boundaries and sticking up for you and the kids. Keep doing that. You need to and your boys very definitely need you to.

Peace,
AJ

[BRNR]

Hey AJ. Thanks for your comments. I don't have a lot of time tonight as I have to wake up early 4am to get s14 off for a field trip, so I will be brief so I can catch up with others.

My comment on the custody of kids....I am not sure if I really expressed what I wanted to say. I either would want full custody of my kids so H's crazy-making would not destroy them any further or H would step up and be the great father he once was. Legally was not what I was really speaking of...more hypothetical.

H's egg has cracked, and now it is time to figure out what the legal aspects of the situation should be. I have to put a lot of thought into things and next week, I am going to need my decisions... I want to make sure they are the best decisions for me and the boys. H has already made his decision and will need to deal with the consequences.

As far as H not being able to talk to me...I don't know whose issue that is. If you asked me before I would have said his, but right now, I just don't want to hear anything he is saying. Things have progressively deteriorated as far as communication for H and I. Mostly because I am tired of lies and spew and would rather not say anything at all than get yelled at, stomped on, and verbally beaten. But this is something to think about how things could improve...at least on my part. Any suggestions or outside perspective is welcomed.

Thanks for being proud. Honestly I am proud of me to, although, I am concerned that this 180 may be too much too fast. But no matter. I have more things to do still and I hope to have more accomplished fairly soon.

[BRNR]

Hmmmmm!!! Something is working against me this week.

For starters, I wanted to file for support today but my Boss was slightly irritated and requested that I be in the office. So this was a no go.

Then, I was review/printing emails that I thought would be necessary and realized that my "Push for Divorce email" may have never gone through...

So, I just sent the D email (today/again?), as I feel that his intentions are clear on what he wants right now, and I will not hinder, nor help.

I just still find it strange that...these mysterious events have taken place.

[AJM]

I can understand that. It is strange to some degree. But I think you're doing well to accept the reality and work through them as they are.

I know it's tough to make decisions you didn't want, but I think you're doing admirably.

Peace,
AJ

[BRNR]

New thread-

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2347456&#Post2347456