Tal -- How wonderful that Wolfie was tops in the romance department for V. day! Awesome.
Sigh. You KNOW I can relate to what you've written. I love how bravely you are facing your demons.
Quote: If a brain can be rewired by traumatic events, my theory is that it can be rewired again by concious effort--so I am trying to help myself by doing battle with these triggers and flashbacks and the way they make me feel.
THIS seems to be the ticket...congrats on looking it squarely in the face.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
For V-day, I gave him an engraved keychain that it a locket. I put a picture of myself in it and a note: "to my best friend and soulmate - you carry my heart with you wherever you go".
I have to kindof force myself to get that mushy, but I was glad I did when I saw the look on his face .
We had a nice day...went out for dinner and came home to watch a romantic movie and snuggle. Not great excitement--but we are after all, getting older and don't have the energy to stay up late anymore, lol!
So...this is where it got odd (in a nice way). He starts telling me how lucky he feels to be with me--that I'm beautiful--that he still lusts after me--and that he is "all mine...forever".
Wow, I don't think I've heard that much lovey-doviness out of him for years! I can see the sentiments in his eyes and in his smile...but I don't hear these kinds of things from him very often, and when I do it is in little bits and pieces. Mostly, he shows affection physically--and that seems to be increasing lately also.
I think he's getting the hang of this stuff...and I appreciate every bit of it!
At the risk of sounding way too corny...I am feeling very loved right now. I know I did the right thing to fight for this R.
WOW, TAL that is great. I know a lot of men find it difficult to share their true and genuine feelings. The fact he said those things and you could see he meant it in his eyes is wonderful. I know my W melts when I say things like that, and is what is really helping my R.
Your in a good place, and if it continues you getting mushing won't be as hard, especially if the response is like the one you got.
God Bless You,
Reuben
Cautiously hopeful and keeping the Momentum
Well, I'm glad you're figuring out how to make your W melt once in awhile. If it is sincere, it doesn't take much to go a long, long way.
Did you ever watch That 70's Show? I think Wolfie was probably a WHOLE lot like that Hyde character when he was that age. He may not be irresponsible and smoking the hooch, but in some ways his make-up is still very much like that character.
So...picture Steven Hyde falling head over heals for the first time at nearly 40-years old and having no clue as to what to do about it! That gives you an indication about why all the mushy stuff is such a big deal.
Hi Tal, WOW--you sound so good!! I especially like your comment about "feeling so loved now"--that is super! I am so happy that you are able to force the mushy stuff and that your H is able to tell you how he feels!! You have made great progress and I am very happy that you feel you made the right choice to fight for your M!
I am still going through much of the hopeless times...we start mediation a week from today. OW is still very much in the picture and H chose to be with OW this past sunday instead of his niece's bday party! I am just really at a loss now of what I should be doing...and why the heck do I want him back so much??!!!! ARGH!!!!!
Hi Tal...PMS and running out of anti-d's at the same time, huh??? Have you learned NOTHING from Pam's threads? LOL!
Oh hon, who says there has to be a time frame to "get over it?" I DON'T agree with a "forced ritual" if either party is not TOTALLY ready to let go. I know I'm not there yet.
And like Sage...there are certain things from the time of the A's that really bother me...not done with it all yet.
Case in point: things are going well for CJ and I of late. Right after my pityfest he started doing the very things (well some of them ) that I was missing.
Yet today while he was out picking up our draperies from the dry cleaner a long distance number popped up on our caller ID...I gave in to the urge to check it against OW's # and area code that I have in my "evidence file".
The call came from Toronto...the other end of the country and was likely a telemarketing call.
Frankly Tal, I'm not beating myself up over this. It was a blip. There may be more...
I'm SOOOO glad your V day turned out so well.
And I thank you for the "Hyde" comparison to Wolfie...explains a lot!
Ah..thanks for mentioning the "rewiring" thing in your post, Pam (and thanks for being good natured about my reference to you lol?).
I think this re-wiring idea is completely valid. YES traumas the like of which cause PTSD DO affect brain function and structure. (more so with repeated traumas...apparently what doesn't kill us does not necessarily make us stronger... )
BUT there ARE ways to rewire the brain...the self talk, self soothing, distraction, MEDITATION...as I've mentioned before brain scans show an actual shift from the anxious right hemiphere to the Left "feel good" frontal areas when one meditates...and the more one does it the more lasting the changes!
Running out of anti-d's and PMS too---- Yeah, and I was the one giving her the biggest lectures, too
Well, Shiny---If you ever DO see XOW's phone number show up trying to call CJ's cell...send me the phone number. I'll call her up and scare the living crap out of her for ya! Buwhahahahah!
.
OW is still very much in the picture and H chose to be with OW this past sunday instead of his niece's bday party! 
LOL!
) that I was missing.
lol?).