Still Struggling and need help #3

[reachingHigher]

Yes, don't feel so down. There are many, many positives in your sitch!
She is in a process of changing feelings and passions, as KD said.

Try to do as snodderly said, listen and answers will come. It isn't always what you want to hear but it is where she it at right now! Your W probably wont always be in this place emotionally.

And where you are at is becoming a man only a fool would leave!

[CharlieBrown]

Thanks for the positive vibes, I will definitely take them. Have a gut feeling that this is going to be a tough session and my gut is pretty accurate.

Listen, listen, listen...

[CharlieBrown]

Thanks again everyone. Had a really productive session and I came away feeling better. To the point that I am telling you all right now, as CB with you as my witnesses, that I am done snooping and focusing on tat-boy. She will have to answer to her friend on him, and hopefully will come clean, but I feel so positive about the path we are on that it finally clicked.

On a note that you all may find funny, our T, in a nod to his training by MWD, used the term walk-away-wife in a sentance. I caught it right away from my time on here.

CB

[~ kd ~]

Sounds like you are in good hands with your T.

[CharlieBrown]

He is an amazing T.

[CharlieBrown]

Felt great last night, but the coaster is going down the hill rapidly. She posted a comment to a picture tat-boy put on his page this morning. We share 52 friends on FB, so even though she thinks not accepting my friend request keeps me from seeing things, she would be surprised how many people ask me about the tat-boy ties. I was hopeful our positive steps forward were helping with the obsession, but I guess not.

Irony was while she was posting, I was in the middle of researching healthy breakfast options for a special Mother's Day breakfast I was/am going to make for her with the kids that would reflect her new organic heath kick.

[censored].

CB lying on his back with Lucy holding the football...

[~ kd ~]

I'm trying to figure out who has a fantasy about tat-boy... your W... or you...

What if there was a magic eraser that completely wiped tat-boy from your mind? How would you live your life on your own and in respect to your W?

If it comes down to it, either block everything tat-boy on FB. Or... get off FB! I did that and I am not at any loss for it. I still go from time to time, but I am not active in any way on FB now.

You can not erase tat-boy but you CAN live your life where tat-boy is of zero consequence in how you live your life or interact with your W.

I suspect that your life will be much better for it AND... it could... help save your M...

[CharlieBrown]

KD, definitely truth in those words. I thought I was doing well until I got the "who is tat-boy?" text from a friend of mine on FB with her. Definitely tough.

CB

[CharlieBrown]

To answer your question though, if there was no tat-boy, I would have much less anxiety and would feel really good about our therapy last night. But, with tat-boy posts, therapy feels like a lie. Just being honest in answer to your question.

CB

[reachingHigher]

FB is tough, CB. When your spouse wants to shout out to the world their new interests its a perfect platform for them!

I got messages too from well-meaning friends and relatives. I got offers for prayer, curiosity-seekers (what is going on?) and my H got some questions too. I just thanked them all for their interest and said something plain like "we are working on some things, thank you for your concern" or whatever.

I figured the ones that were at least brave enough to ask (plenty more are not saying anything) deserved some validation although not answers.

I continued to look at FB and it continues to pain me. Although I look much, much less.

Years ago, people didn't have a way to advertise their indiscretions so readily. I think about that a lot. I'm reacting more strongly b/c it's in my face and it is also visible to our friends and family.

I used to use it to flirt with my H but it disgusts me so to have my pic in line with all his girls he is friends with on a post. And it really incenses me when he posts pics of our kids and these "friends" who don't even know them or us as a "family" post comments or "like" things regarding my boys.

No answers here. Just rambling. I know how bad it hurts. Just wanted you to know you're not alone and if you could get this tat-boy out of your thoughts it would be better for you.