Thanks, Snodderly and WH. If only I had a crystal ball.... I will just go forward and continue to demand what I believe to be fair.

As hard as it is some days I know I need to always take the high road. I need to be able to face myself and more importantly, the boys are watching. I want them to see that I am strong and they can rely on me to take care of them. I also want them to watch me "walk the talk." If they trust me to live the way I am teaching them they will feel more secure.

I feel better than I did last night. I actually feel peaceful. I won't like going to court, but I need out of the choke hold I've been in. Since I've been afraid, desperate and willing to give in my H and his attorney just keep using that to their advantage. No more. The boys and I deserve so much more than this. I shouldn't have to worry about whether I will have to move or not or whether my H is going to make a deposit on time. I can't live like this. I want to enjoy my life. More importantly, I want to give the boys the best childhood I can. They have been cheated, but truly one person cannot take away a person's happiness and joy forever. We just need the security we've been lacking.

I was talking with my mom last night about the latest developments and we ended up talking about whether my H ever planned to return. My mom's a therapist so she often has a different perspective. She feels that my H left the majority of his clothes, memorabilia, etc. because he had always planned to come home one day. He believes his things are safe with me. Based on the current situation I can't imagine that it was his plan. I do remember him saying he wasn't coming home that day or the next, but he didn't go any further into the future.

I do think my H has to see the D through, no matter what it costs him, emotionally and financially, or he will always wonder if he turned back too soon and away from a new life that will bring him happiness. He also has backed himself into a corner. He left, he filed, he started a new R, he hurt me and the boys, maybe beyond repair, so in his mind does he really have a choice?

Once the D is over do MLCers tend to detach more or is that when they start to ponder their decisions? My attorney has said several times that she thinks he will want to reconcile. My response has always been disbelief. She said that she sees it all the time and my H will eventually realize that he had it all.