Well..I tried to keep it short. It did not work and I got sucked in. Thankfully no R talk.. but that doesn't mean it's a good thing.
I have it all on record as was a txt message conversation but I'll spare you the details. Only that we texting off and on for almost 2 hrs.
V: Hey! My show wrapped last night. Just wanted to say thanks for the advice. It really helped and I appreciated it the last 4 wks.
X: Hey Lady! Have been wondering how it was going! So glad it it helped. Has it really been 4wks? How does that happen?
V: Well I think it was only 3.5 weeks in the real world.. but yes.. super fast. You getting senioritis yet? (She's a teacher)
X: Did the show go ok? Did you feel like the 2nd learned from it? She talked about senioritis.
V: That's great.
And that's when she prompted the question again. So I answered and I guess that's when we got really chatty.
She asked what I learned and I told her that this show was very much about me letting go of "need to be perfect".
There were a lot of times we were on the same page about personal growth, looking in the mirror.
I applauding loudly all the changes she was talking about.. especially how her relationship is changing with her mom since her making amends to her.
I told her that her relationship will change because she is changing thus the dynamic has to change. And her mom can learn to become the woman x wants her to be - because she can see it from x.
She really liked that. She commented on us speaking the same language and applauding my positives.
It was a really REALLY great conversation. I had to stop it though. I could feel myself getting sucked in.
I don't think it's because I have feelings for her.. but because I love those kind of conversations. If she were a stranger, I would instantly be attracted to her personality and be friends with her.
And that can't happen at this stage. So I ended the conversation first and closed the door on the topic saying "thanks again for the wonderful advice"
I needed to put "us" back into her hands. If she wants a friendship with me, she needs to take the next step. Her pursuing is what is healthiest for both us.
She has to believe that I can forgive and be friends with her. I have to believe she won't run.
It's soo odd.. conversations that I wished we always had, or ways I wished we connected, happened yesterday. It seems like we are two positive people trying to hold ourselves accountable and be loving to others.
It's very rad… but something I need to distance myself from..
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
