BANG! Bomb Drop Number Two

[makingmagic]

2.4.... very familiar!! It is all I can do to stop being the needy, weak & pathetic person. What are you doing to be different? I am trying to go dim/distant a bit to save myself. Athough, I think its making him mad & he's distancing back.

[mrtwopointfour]

2.4.... very familiar!! It is all I can do to stop being the needy, weak & pathetic person. What are you doing to be different? I am trying to go dim/distant a bit to save myself. Athough, I think its making him mad & he's distancing back.

I'm trying to detach, not care about what she does, not care if she is with somebody else (that's her weakness not mine, and she has to live with the guilt, not me) not care about what she thinks of my decisions as long as I am not making decisions that are unfair to her or the kids. Its early days, I'm not doing great, but I'm doing better than i was a few weeks ago. Its paying off a little, not so much for our R, at the moment I consider that over and done with, but its paying off in that I am not worrying, stressing, afraid anymore. In fact at times I am quite looking forward to life without my W, I'm quite excited about meeting somebody new, somebody that i don't feel i have to prop up and and make happy all the time, somebody who respect what i say and do. Don't get me wrong, I would love for my W to turn around and say - whoops I got it wrong, sorry! But at the same time, I need to think its not going to happen. It hurts and i am up and down, but I can do this, i feel stronger without her than i do with her so my theory is without her I will manage. I have to admit if it was not for my kids, I would probably have given up a long time ago, the worry I have left is

a: will the kids be ok
b: will i ever find any body else

My W means the world to me, and 3 months ago if you would have said to me can you imagine life with your W i would have said 'NO!', now i can - and its not that scary.

Something else that i have done over the last week or so, which I am not sure if its a good or bad thing, is stopped reading. I've only read DR once, and am halfway through the second read but just don't have the concentration for it right now. I've also stopped stressing about my goals, and about my changes - again not something i am proud of. but I wonder whether this is a sign of me giving up, or just enjoying the good things in life a little more?

My W goes away soon, I suspect she will be with OM although she claims to be going with friends. That will be the true test for me as to how well i am doing and how much i have detached.

[SFC_Swede]

I am so happy to be accepted. Now to gather my thoughts.

[makingmagic]

a: Yes! My daughter turned out just fine after my first h left me.
b: Yes! I moved on after my first M fell apart & met my current h... we have been together almost 20 years.

Life does go on... as much as I find hard to believe at the moment.

Fyi, I understand that its OK to take a break from reading & this forum too. Just get back on track when you feel the need to again.

[CharlieBrown]

2.4, I also took a break from reading. I was reading Gottman's 7 signs and it was a good book, but between that, reading on here, etc. it was a recipe for being too over the top and it was interfering with me GAL. So, I am reading some of W's mysteries on my kindle (Down River currently, really good). It has helped a bit.

Very sorry to hear about BD #2. I am preparing for that possibility myself and it broke my heart reading about yours.

CB

[mrtwopointfour]

Life does go on... as much as I find hard to believe at the moment.

That's good to hear. It does worry me, but I do read many stories about LBS's moving on and actually finding somebody they love more and enjoy being with more. I guess for me the thought of celebrating my 40th birthday without my W is the hard part. Not a great start to the other side of the hill!

[mrtwopointfour]

2.4, I also took a break from reading. I was reading Gottman's 7 signs and it was a good book, but between that, reading on here, etc. it was a recipe for being too over the top and it was interfering with me GAL. So, I am reading some of W's mysteries on my kindle (Down River currently, really good). It has helped a bit.

Very sorry to hear about BD #2. I am preparing for that possibility myself and it broke my heart reading about yours.

CB

CB thanks for your support. It was actually not that bad BD2. It's pushed me further away from W which has helped me detach a little. having ups and downs since, but feel less like I am drifting along. I'm me mentally preparing myself to move on and let go now.

[dbmod]

^

[mrtwopointfour]

Anybody else not looking forward to the weekend?

I'm not sure why - I am just not that bothered which is odd - feel a bit on edge about it.

I think its because I can not predict whether its going to be easy or hard, or what mood W will be in. (i know this should not effect me).

Maybe its because I just got all excited about the weekend, and then remembered what is going on in my life. Sometimes its so easy to forget what is going on for a moment, and then when you remember it gives you a little shiver down your spine.

[mrtwopointfour]

And just to add, when I got all excited about the weekend I was excited about being with the kids as happy family, and snuggling up with my W on Sunday morning, having coffee as a family etc.

Odd that I should think this, as we have not been close like that for over 6 months. How the mind plays tricks. I think I am craving a little bit of affection from somebody!