OK--breathe, Tal, breath! I know it's only emotions, not necessarily emotions based on reality.
No, I don't have any reason to believe Wolfie is being unfaithful. That is just fear and anxiety blindsiding me. I think everytime I make some steps forward, trusting him more, allowing myself to relax and accept that things are going to be ok...I get a rebound backlash of fear.
When Wolfie and I first got together, it was a similar process. I was terrified to let myself be vulnerable and it took a long time to trust. I had come to the conclusion that having a good relationship or really being loved was something that was for other people--not for me. Wolfie was so consistant and quietly persistant, that I eventually was able to let my guard down and let him into my world.
After discovering his betrayal--I beat myself up a lot for ever having been gullible enough to give anyone the ability to hurt me to the core.
I guess I shouldn't expect to learn to trust all over again, especially after having been hurt so badly, is not going to be easy.
