The Year of Seismic Activity

[cruiserrg]

Tal,

It's totally understandable to feel that way. I still do many times. I think about it, and I have come to realize that it is my fears driving this, not anything my W is doing.

I also think part of it, is the fact that we have analyzed everything in our R to get to where we are. This constant monitoring for results has kind of trained us to over analyze everything. I keep telling myself not to read into things, because I don't have all the information and fact. We will always jump to the "worst case" unless we consciously tell our selves not to.

I think to really get to the bottom of this we have to look into our selves and ask "what benefit am I gaining by doing this?". I really feel that in cases where we come close to fully letting go of our fears about our Rs and M, that we go back to them to benefit from it in some way. Maybe we are looking for justification for our feelings and fears. Maybe we do this to try and get more attention and love from our Spouses. Maybe we want to be able to use the fears to control our spouses or the relationship.

I really believe we have to look toward God to help us through this last struggle in our journey. This is a good thing though because it gives us the sign that we are close to the end of this long tunnel. Don't let your fears keep you from seeing the light of day after you exit this tunnel. I know it's beautiful on the other side, and I won't want to go back where I came once I leave. Let the sunshine warm you as you bast in the glory of knowing you have gone through this. I hope to get there someday!

I personally would take your C advise to have a ceremony of forgiveness and letting go. I would make this a spiritual journey to make that last wonderful connection with your H. I personally would take a weekend that allow you and your H to spend a lot of time alone together to really connect again. When and if I get to this point I would like this weekend to be a religious one with a personal celebration between us in the end. Kinda like a marriage enrichment weekend.

Good luck, you are so close. Take this last "leap of faith" and know that God will be there to catch you as you land in that beautiful place of a new covenant with your H and God.