OK, for anyone who had me climbing up on anykind of pedistal around here:
OMG! I am seriously wondering if I am insane and beyond help. What is with these ups and downs of mine? I'm getting triggered all over the place. What am I, bipolar or something?
I know this post probably has 75% to do with PMS and 25% to do with running out of my anti-d's but I feel totally out of control. I am suddenly far-gone into obsessing about XOW. I even went as far as to spend good $ getting a detailed monthly cell phone report for Wolfie's cell phone.
OMG, I even went an hour out of my way driving home tonight to drive past OW's house to see if he was there instead of at work like he's suppposed to be!
I feel like such a failure and like such a loser right now.
WHY can't I get OVER IT? He wants me me be "OVER IT" and our MC told me that we should have some little ceremony and never mention "it" again (in other words: GET OVER IT!)
I have been (out of the blue) this (") close to breaking into tears for the last few days and on feeling like I'm going to have some major anxiety attacks. I'm having nightmares about H and OW again just like I had right before bomb.
I KNOW I must sound like some Drama-Queen, Borderline Personality Disordered nutbasket right now, but as soon as I start feeling like the door has closed to being able to feel safe enough to talk to Wolfie about the "uncomfortable" emotions I have sometimes--it comes out like this?? WTF???
I'm so embarrassed to write these things here--when I was doing so well just a short time ago, but you are my friends and confidents and I don't know where else to bring these thoughts and feelings except for you dear ones that I trust.
