Is there a difference though between losing interest in sex and losing interest in sex with your spouse? Or can they be one in the same due to hormone changes and/or depression?
I'm no expert but I'd say the difference is if they are doing someone else.
In a MLC situation the depression has them searching desperately for happiness/meaning. The fear that time is running out throws them into overdrive to find answers. Of course sane people know flings aren't the answer.
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Oh, and hi FY! Still keeping up on your sitch
Thanks TVS. With all you're dealing with that means a lot to me.
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Originally Posted By: Me
W's car is overdue for replacement... I'm tired of working on it and putting $$$ into it. She wants a convertible or other sporty car!
So I've been looking and offering solutions for months now but W keeps dragging her feet and won't commit.
I talked with a salesman yesterday and it looks like I'll likely have a sporty VW Beetle on test loan sitting in the driveway when she returns from her trip away with GF late this afternoon. I like to have one surprise or another for her when she returns from a trip away. (this is trip #4 since BD!)
Even in her present crises she's frugal with our money. There will be no commitment to keep this car, so we'll see what happens. Zoom Zoom.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
How fun! I love this idea! This is like a huge validation for her -- acknowledging the need she has and following up on it.
I know when my H finally signed his lease on his year long apartment after four months in a corporate apartment I was so upset. But the day I decided to help him by looking for extra things we had here at home to furnish it (towels, sheets, dishes, etc.) was a huge relief that I had let it go!
Here, with you, FY, and this car, you have the opportunity to support her without her moving out.
I can't wait to hear what her reaction is! It would be nice if she responds in a physical way!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I can't wait to hear what her reaction is! It would be nice if she responds in a physical way!
Thanks RH. I was avoiding thinking of that because I didn't want to get my hopes up, but gifts is one of her main LL's. I clearly remember the night of our 25th anniversary when I surprised her with a new diamond ring. Yikes almighty!
Oh, and she still wears the ring, and I've even seen it on her in pics from her past GF vacations. ???
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
She is a lucky girl, Fy. I hope one day soon she really realizes it.
About the ring, it is a little strange, but, then again, my xh kept his wedding ring and his half of a matching coin on his neck far longer than I did.
Who knows what goes on in their minds? Clearly they dont.LOL!
I feel like this trip in June is going to yield something one way or the other.
When I came home from my TKD class tonight, W was already home, and couldn't miss the like new hot rod yellow VW Beetle in the driveway. She greeted me with her typical "Hey" (while typing away on her iPad, didn't even look up) No mention of the car.
I think: Well, this certainly isn't turning out like I had hoped.
I'll spare you the back and forth comments. W basically showed absolutely no excitement, and very little interest in a hot little car that's much nicer than the one she has now. Thing is, I know it is because it is from me. If one of her GF's showed up in this number then OMG!
I don't think this could have been any more disappointing.
Honestly, I also don't think it would have mattered one bit what I brought home. Just like gifts I have gotten for her, (this car not a gift) there would be some reason to poop on it, or ignore it.
M: How was your trip?
W: Good. Except I dropped my iPad in the pool! I was drinking and lost my balance. It's still working though. (Thank the Apple god, since I know that thing is her soulmate)
M: I bet that sobered you up!
W: You would think.
She later says she's really tired, (and frankly looks stressed to hell for someone who just had a spectacular 4 night Cancun resort vacation.) At one point during dinner she had a brain pain where she closed her eyes, held her head and moaned for a minute or two straight.
M: Do you need a drink of water?
W: No.
On a positive note, tonight's TKD class was great as usual, and my instructor, who I haven't talked to in quite a while, called me at home just to see how things are going.
Also, It turned out the General Manager at this dealer is the son of the owner/president of the first letter shop I worked for! It's been 20 years and I did not recognize him, but he did me! He was a little kid when I started working there, and a teen when the company closed 13 years later. We talked for quite a while about families and old memories, like the time his Dad had me change the camshaft on his Camaro while on company time.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I am sorry that she didnt react positively to the car. Believe it or not, that is my dream car. .
I gotta tell you, she's tough one to figure out, FY. I'm thinking to pull back on the gifts for right now.
Thanks UR.
Oh, I agree about the gifts. I have not been giving any gifts beyond the bare minimum necessary to not be seen as a mope. But a car is something we need, and she is dragging her feet. My gut says that while she was not feeling well yesterday, and more importantly, certainly can’t allow herself to get too excited about anything to do with me, there really is some interest there.
She asked me how long I had it for, and I said until Saturday.
I think I’ll send her an email later today, asking her if I should just return it today on my way home. (since she showed such little interest) Put the ball in her court. I’m certainly not going to twist her arm to take your dream car! We’ll see what happens.
My guess for her response: A half hearted “you got it now, you might as well bring it home and I’ll check it out” Yay, excitement in the land of Oz!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I'm sorry about her reaction to the car. I was hoping a smile, hug, kiss and a "let's go for a spin" response. Sigh.
It sounds like she is hurting a lot.
Sounds like you're still able to keep strong, FY. Idk how you do it! But I admire your fortitude!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I'm sorry about her reaction to the car. I was hoping a smile, hug, kiss and a "let's go for a spin" response. Sigh.
It sounds like she is hurting a lot.
Sounds like you're still able to keep strong, FY. Idk how you do it! But I admire your fortitude!
Thanks for the kind words of acknowledgment RH, it really does help. Sometimes I don't know how I do it either. I've felt an ultimatum coming on for quite a while now. My goal now is to hold out until our anniversary at the end of June, to see how that goes.
I sense that while she’s in pain, she knows she has a good thing with me. Why else would she still be here? I seriously believe bomb dropping her with my reality will wake her up to see what she would be losing, now that I’ve done enough time to really prove myself. Then again, maybe she just needs to see this through, you know, without me there at all. So sad after all these years, but it is what it is.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Tonight we ran a couple of errands together, (in the yellow bug) and discussed the whole replacement car issue. It seems she really doesn't have it out for me after all. She's pretty much just struggling along and doing the best she can.
I explained how I put a lot of time and effort into the car search thing while she was away, and was disappointed with her (lack of) response. She explained how she felt I expected too much from her at a time when she was tired and stressed, and how she was doing the best she could. No, we didn't hug or kiss, but I felt much better just being able to air my feelings and listen to hers. Roll On!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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