Quote: I have so far come up with a few things: 1. I need to find ways to express that, just like we tell our kids--we may get very upset about their bad behavior but we love them (differentiate between the person and the behavior because people can't change who they are, but they can change their behavior). 2. Again, like we tell our kids, people make mistakes--they are opportunities to figure out what you would do differently next time you are faced with a similar situation. We also let them know that we trust that they are intelligent enough to learn the lessons and do different in the future. 3. I am trying to set aside my needs right now and focus on his healing and having compassion. I think that the more I do that, the more it will benefit me and our R in the long run. 4. Find ways to assure him repeatedly that I am so glad that he is home and that we have decided to work together to rebuild. 5. Assure him that we ARE going to be FINE, just like other couples who have faced and overcome problems in their M's and come out stronger for it.
Tal, that is a wonderfully articulated list of fundamental solution-oriented goals for a successful reconciliation ... it's a keeper to print out and go back to as a refresher. Gonna go laminate my copy right now...
