What's Going On?!? - Cautiously Contemplating

[RealityTrip]

This was CLEARLY a bad idea. I am not ready for "visits."

Lunch: We sit on the porch to eat. Everything is fine. I have recovered from last nights snafu.

W: "where is the black candle holder"
M: "broken and thrown away"
W: "on purpose"
M: "yes. I'm sorry. I was having a bad day"

The candle holder was a gift from AP about 15yrs ago when they were just friends before my W met me.

It got bad. She wanted me to know that if the tables were turned she would never destroy my property. I tried to apologize and stay calm. I validated, I apologized again. I agreed. But she did not stop. I started to feel berated and belittled and I lost it... the crazy banshee was loose.

I'd be surprised if she not packing to leave right now.

I was pissed. I said, "Don't tell me what you would or wouldn't do if the tables were turned. You have never been in my position. You have no idea what I have been through. I broke that candle holder one night when I knew you were in her bed."

And then I said oh so much more b/c her face contorted and she became condesceding and righteous. I was so angry when she said "how could you do that to me?" I KNOW I was wrong for breaking it... but "how could I do that to her?"

I'm trying to maintain better communication honesty with someone who is still lying, selfish and hasn't changed at all.

I'm losing it. Can I come back from this at all? I feel like I'm so far off course that it's unredeemable.