I really stepped on it, and am asking for help

[SFC_Swede]

Full disclosure:

I was M to 1W for 8 yrs, and we had 3 kids, 2D and 1 S. We met when I was 18 and she 17. I was in the US Army and traveled alot. I also drank alot and spent too much time partying and out with buddies. I took care of my family the way I was raised, to provide for them, but wasnt mature enough, and too selfish to know much else. I was never abusive physically or emotionally, but it ended as anyone could have predicted in an A, and she moved on. I handled it in every conceivable worse way possible, and after the D was finalized descended into a drunken state that lasted for several years. I dont even remember the first year after the D.

Similarly, my 2W was married young to a Marine who was a drunk and P and E abusive. She had 1S with him, and after she gave birth he began hitting her again. She grabbed her S, a few things, and left. She never looked back...ever.

We met on the internet of all places shortly there after. After a brief courtship online we met for a date, and apparently hit it off on day one. I know now I was a rebound as she slept with me that first night...but we also continued on and moved in together. Yes...I still drank. But I got up, went to work, and felt I did better meeting her needs than I did in the 1M. I was still going out with buddies however, and drinking. She gave me the ultimatum before our marriage in 2001 to choose drinking or her. I said her, and we married. Of course, in hind site...I didnt do it FOR ME, but to salvage the R and marriage, and began drinking again.

I will go on with our relationship in my next post, but I wanted to put all the cards on the table. I know many of you will have ZERO sympathy for me at this point, and nor am I seeking it. I just seriously want help and to GROW. Saving my marriage will just be a pleasant byproduct.