The Year of Seismic Activity

[holdingon]

Tal,
What an awesome thread you have going here... awesome, awesome stuff.

On a personal level, I know my BS has forgiven me, but I don't think I'll (ever) be able to forgive myself for betraying myself. That is my biggest fear, now, almost a year later. I've hurt someone I love dearly, but I'm making things better and I know that it will never happen again. But I have **fundamentally** betrayed myself too... I can't stand being in my own skin, some days.

I think this is where my H is... And I don't know how to tell him that he needs to forgive himself. When he is in the room, I sense that he wants to say SOMETHING... but he still says nothing...and so I continue to say nothing, but try to show compassion and forgiveness.

One of MY fears is that the baby steps I see are merely figments of my overactive, overanalytical imagination... I find myself beating myself up for thinking things are baby steps and at the same time, not having faith to BELIEVE they are babysteps... Sadly, my H is NOT a good communicator, and at this point, VERY gunshy.

I am trying to set aside my needs right now and focus on his healing and having compassion. I think that the more I do that, the more it will benefit me and our R in the long run.

I think this IS critical in most stages of DBing... and probably the hardest of all DBing to do. And we have to continue to KNOW that someday, it WILL be about us... but right now, for the sake of the M, we need to do a bit of sacrificing.

One thing that you LBS's who have Hs at home need to remember, IMHO, is the COURAGE that it took for the WAS to come home, or even to have the conversations that lead to coming home. I am hoping that my H is looking for this.