BANG! Bomb Drop Number Two

[mrtwopointfour]

2.4.... very familiar!! It is all I can do to stop being the needy, weak & pathetic person. What are you doing to be different? I am trying to go dim/distant a bit to save myself. Athough, I think its making him mad & he's distancing back.

I'm trying to detach, not care about what she does, not care if she is with somebody else (that's her weakness not mine, and she has to live with the guilt, not me) not care about what she thinks of my decisions as long as I am not making decisions that are unfair to her or the kids. Its early days, I'm not doing great, but I'm doing better than i was a few weeks ago. Its paying off a little, not so much for our R, at the moment I consider that over and done with, but its paying off in that I am not worrying, stressing, afraid anymore. In fact at times I am quite looking forward to life without my W, I'm quite excited about meeting somebody new, somebody that i don't feel i have to prop up and and make happy all the time, somebody who respect what i say and do. Don't get me wrong, I would love for my W to turn around and say - whoops I got it wrong, sorry! But at the same time, I need to think its not going to happen. It hurts and i am up and down, but I can do this, i feel stronger without her than i do with her so my theory is without her I will manage. I have to admit if it was not for my kids, I would probably have given up a long time ago, the worry I have left is

a: will the kids be ok
b: will i ever find any body else

My W means the world to me, and 3 months ago if you would have said to me can you imagine life with your W i would have said 'NO!', now i can - and its not that scary.

Something else that i have done over the last week or so, which I am not sure if its a good or bad thing, is stopped reading. I've only read DR once, and am halfway through the second read but just don't have the concentration for it right now. I've also stopped stressing about my goals, and about my changes - again not something i am proud of. but I wonder whether this is a sign of me giving up, or just enjoying the good things in life a little more?

My W goes away soon, I suspect she will be with OM although she claims to be going with friends. That will be the true test for me as to how well i am doing and how much i have detached.