Dm45, there's a lot of anger permeating your questions. Ask yourself how you can present those same questions/ concerns in a manner that will not put W on the defensive. I think if you pose the questions that way you're only going to get through 2 or 3 before a big fight breaks out.
Quote:
Do I EVER point out what is wrong?
No, but it's OK to talk about your concerns. For example, when you say:
"Do you think it's ok for him to be out at 230am?"
You are insinuating that W thinks it's OK for S to be out in the middle of the night whereas you think it's unacceptable. You are blaming her for S being out. Instead, you might say something like:
"W, I trust that you are doing what's best for the kids, but I wanted to mention that one night on the late shift I saw S and D getting in their car at 2:30 in the morning. We haven't talked about boundaries with S16 in a while, personally I don't like seeing either of them out that late but especially S16, what are your thoughts on this?"
Quote:
I'm afraid eventually, if not already, she'll talk herself into thinking this is all ok, the kids will not be affected, that life won't suck if she kills the M.
She already thinks that. All WAS's think that. They think the kids are flexible and bounce back quickly from these sitches. And you will never be able to convince her otherwise so don't try.
Quote:
Im not the best person, and probably the worst person, to tell her these things and have her listen. But if not me, who?
You are coparenting WITH your W, not telling her what she's doing wrong. Try to look at it that way. The two of you are separated, but you're still a team when it comes to your kids. Figure out how you can work together towards a common goal.
