My WAW story

[azguy]

I've just been doing some repainting myself. Sounds like a good activity for right now. Working on your house, working on you. If she joins in, as KD says, even better.

[JRG]

Update on my situation.

My wife moved out on 3/30. We haven’t spoken very much about our R, only two short instances when I just needed to know some stuff. That’s been a few weeks ago.

Communication between us has been fairly slim, normally just an email every few days or so. We haven’t verbally spoken for a week and a half or spoken in writing since last Friday. I haven’t seen her in 17 days, our longest stint since we met. I’d say about half of all our conversations have been initiated by me. All our conversations have been pleasant though. When we did communicate it was just about daily stuff…like friends would discuss. We haven’t argued at all, although arguing really didn’t exist in our relationship.

After doing a lot of reading on these forums I’m thinking about stopping initiating contact. I’m not sure though that this is the best thing to do. I really feel that she needs the time and space without interference by me to think through things…that she needs to have the chance to miss me. I’m just really scared about it. I’m afraid that she might view this as not caring about us anymore. And never has she told me NOT to contact her. I’m also afraid that if she thinks I’m not trying anymore that she will find it easier to let go. She may lose any desire to contact me.

With initiation, something similar happened in our sex life. It seems that we got in the habit of talking turns to initiate. After a while (and this is just my view as we never talked about it) we got to the point that each of us was waiting for the other to initiate. This caused very long periods w/o sex (6-12 months). I’m afraid that we may fall into this same scenario with respect to initiating contact.

So conflicted!!!

[JRG]

This is so hard! I want to reach out to her in some way. I just don't know what's best. I REALLY feel like I'm abondoning her.

[SemperFi00]

hi JRG, just caught up on your situation.

It is absolutely tough and I certainly had (and have) times where I want to reach out. Been there, done that early on and the results weren't at all what I wanted.

I know how really tough it is but you are getting good advice and the process works..........

Come here for support (I know not that same as what you previously had w/W but you can't get that right now - I know first hand how much that stings) and keep working on becoming the best you that you can be.. It really is the best shot that you have at getting what you ultimately want.

Stay strong!

[JRG]

Well I caved. This morning I sent a short email asking how she was. She responded favorably. She said she was fine and asked how my weekend went with my dad last weekend. It's nice when she asks questions about me because she hasn't done that much since she left. She said that she has some towels to drop off at my house that she doesn't want.

I'm thinking that a once a week email may be a good thing...as long as she responds favorably. Anyone disagree? Is there any advantage to stop even this little bit of contact?

[JRG]

BTW, thanks Semper for reading my sitch.

[ChrisN]

Hey JRG,

Think we have similar timelines... Keep your head up. When you feel like reaching out, ask yourself "Will this help or hurt my end goal with W?" or, o something like 25 sit ups before sending text, calling, email, etc...

Come here to vent and for support... It's amazing and the vets give generously!

[sandi2]

Have you read Divorce Remedy, and if so, when are. You going to get serious about applying the techniques?

[JRG]

Have you read Divorce Remedy, and if so, when are. You going to get serious about applying the techniques?

Yes I have. Which techniques in particular are you referring to?

[JRG]

OK, so my wife called just a couple of hours ago and asked if she could borrow and come pick up my spare computer monitor. First time she's picked up the phone and called me in a month. I told her it was fine if she wanted to borrow it. She came over and just left a few minutes ago. We talked, mostly her really, for about 30min about work and what's been going on with her family. Nothing even close to R talk. I mostly listened and followed her lead. It was pleasant, just like two friends would talk.

I feel slightly neutral about it, but maybe a little hurt. It just feels a little strange talking with her. I guess because I still feel a strong connection with her and she seems to act like we're simply friends.