UD--I struggled with similar at a similar stage you are at. Thank you to the veterans who had been around longer than me who told me that what I was feeling was normal--they had all felt it at one time or another. They also reminded me that the alternative was to still carry the scars--and have to grieve the end of my marraige too. There just ain't no easy out in this!
Some here have spouses who communicate well--but most don't. I am so grateful that someone else put this stuff down on paper (so to speak) to give me a glimpse of some of the things Wolfie must have fretted about while sitting on the fence and even now.
I have to admit that I never really thought about them having triggers like we do--much less be intensly aware that WE have them. How could they not have triggers too?
I'm sure that some of the things I did in the first few months after bomb--when I was a complete psycho added quite a few additional triggers for Wolfie to occasionally remember too! Holay--I was one crazy freak at that time, and much of that time was a blur to me now. Raging one minute--crying and begging the next...I was like a mortally wounded animal thrashing around in pain. I know there was "justification" for my behavior...but I never have thought to apologize to him for all of the horrible things I did.
I don't think he intended to hurt me by having an A--but I sure intended to (viciously) hurt him by my actions afterward.
