Help & Advice Needed Please (Thread 3)

[Intact]

Thank you all for the advice it is very much appreciated.

I certainly wasn't trying to control my wife - just explaining how our son felt.

Anyway she responded and said ATM she has no money so is actually looking for another days work - so son will see her even less.

Heaven knows what she's doing with all of her money but at least I tried for our sons sake.

[T1000]

I don't see what she is saying as any valid reason whatsoever for not seeing S on a day off.
Lets say she works another 2 days. That's still two possible days she could spend with her S every now and then.

Should you accept her poor excuse? I don't know.

She has 4 days off without responsibilities she used to have, the money could be going anywhere.

Must be frustrating Intact.
Anyway, Soldier On!

You doing anything with S at the weekend?

[Intact]

Yeah not much I can do about it now - I'm taking son swimming over the weekend then to cinema and also doing some shopping with him as he needs some new clothes etc. I'm looking forward to it.

[T1000]

Good stuff, what are you going to see?

[Papa4Life]

That really stinks that your W is behaving in this way, Intact. It really seems as if she either is having trouble looking your S in the eyes because of the decisions she's made, she needs more money to support her new lifestyle, or both. Whatever her reasons, your S is going to need you now more than ever before.

I have a somewhat similar sitch with my W. I've always taken on more of the child-rearing responsibilities so that W could focus more on her career. Now that we're starting to look for separate living arrangements, I'm going to focus more on my work just to keep my head above water, but W still wants to keep the same arrangement. I've made it clear to her that I can't continue to make sacrifices for the benefit of her career if it means I won't be able to support myself as well.

I don't know how she expects us to afford separate residences if we are barely getting by now and if she is reluctant to make concessions to allow me to take on more work, but anytime the subject comes up, she just gets angry and yells. It's a tough subject and I hope you guys can work things out.

[Intact]

T1000 taking him to see iron man as he loved the previous films.

Papa4life - I hadn't thought of this. I've often wondered if she feels any guilt and perhaps that is exactly what this is. Inability to look son in the eye.

[Intact]

Well had some questions answered last night.

Was speaking to a mutual friend (I never ask about W) but she bought up a few things she's said recently that our friend felt was inappropriate.

Apparently when W saw friend she said to her "When I'm feeling down, I spend lots of money on shoes and sexy underwear"

OUCH!!!! Really didn't need to hear that and I told our friend as much.

At least it explains where all her money is going - but I have to say the comment has put me in a bad place.

[Papa4Life]

Yowch, that's certainly what you were looking to hear, In_it. But look at it this way, buying shoes and undies and then *telling* your mutual friend about it tells me she's looking for some form of external approval or validation for what she's done.

I mean, going to the gym or running is a way to improve your looks, sure, but it's also a healthy way to improve your mental health and self-esteem. But just going on shopping sprees is just a panacea that will give you a quick thrill but won't address the underlying issues. Which, as I see it, is your W's guilt especially as relates to you and your S.

I think she's got a real wake up call coming and she's going to be faced with the consequences of her actions. But rhat could take so time, so you'd better settle in for a long wait. Patience, as always, is key.

[Intact]

Thank you for the comment it really helped a lot. Perhaps you're right and it's a way for her to avoid her feelings - which would only be temporary.

I'm kindling filling her comment in the "believe nothing of what she says" box for now.

[Intact]

Just seen wife (very briefly) as she picked up son - it was pleasant chit chat with a few smiles and laughs.

I looked good when she arrived too as I'm off out - back in medium sized t shirts since the first time we met - have some new tattoos and was wearing new cologne.

I know it's all for me, but I do wonder if she notices - or even wonders where and with whom I'm going for the evening.

I noticed she was wearing a ring and heart pendant I bought for her a couple of years ago. I'd be willing to make a wager that the heart pendant no longer carries my photo inside...

It is hard when I see her - she is always so happy (which I'm pleased about kind of) but I do still love her dearly. Coming to the realisation that perhaps she really is happier without me. Ouch!